I've recently gone bk to work pt time after maternity leave. The job is stressing me out and my anxiety is in overdrive.
I over do things as I feel. I'm never good enough & then I get depressed & wonder what is the point.
I've come home today, my mother had son for first time,we don't have a good relationship as she's always criticised & never praises ever, I'd done food ready & it was "too dry", the house is like 1950s as it's my uncles old house we are renting off them & we still have stuff that isn't ours here, furniture, crockery etc etc that she's just left. How ever much I clean we always get tiny little flies & it makes me want to strip the place
I can't manage my anxiety & I pull at my hair until it comes out, can't talk to partner as feel he compares me to his ex wife who was with for a long time, & had a lot of children.
I have older one at uni & just one here but I just can't cope. I feel useless, that baby would be better off without me, & the place is dirty but cannot afford new flooring.
I have no friends & I feel like Ive got some sort of personality disorder.
I can't even explain it I just cannot trust or communicate properly, constantly feel anxious around others, being paranoid, wondering how I can change my life & give my son a better home,
I don't have a sex drive as on antidepressants, I feel that my partner is always thinking of his ex anyway & so I just distance myself even further. He had over 5 kids with her so I'm guessing he did think a lot of her even when says he hates her now. She never worked but I'm doing a shit job, shit pay & no prospects yet she manages to have all them & stay home?
Had enough today. Struggling so bad.