Feeling suicidal

[ruley]

I feel like I've made a lot of crappy decisions in my life and I'm fed up of hating myself. I haven't been truly happy for years. I don't know what to do anymore and I don't see a way out as counselling and medication both have not helped or even touched the surface. I feel so suicidal, I have 3 young babies and just feel like they will be better without me. I have a partner who doesn't appreciate me or anything I do. I raise and support us all by own with no help from him or family. I want to throw in the towel and I feel like if I die at least then I'll get some rest! Feeling so lost and trapped :(

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.
We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We all make decisions in life that we later realise were wrong. That's life, I'm afraid. It happens to us all.

So how would the 3 babies be better off without you? They need you. If the dp is no help, then he's the one to go. In this situation everyone has to pull together - you can't carry any passengers and you'll probably be better off without him.

You sound exhausted, OP. Try to be kind to yourself.