Wondering if anyone can offer advice?
I have had a hell of a year - first my daughter was really poorly with some undiagnosed disease in march this year and had a liver transplant in July this year, then i found out (in august) my partner had been cheating on me for years with loads of women, a few women that i know when he's been out on drinking benders - he's a high functioning alcoholic so things never been perfect but the shock of finding out about the women and cheating really shook me. Then my dad who has been not so good has just been diagnosed with some horrid rare cancer and is in hospital and my mum is finding it hard to cope, then i had a miscarriage a few weeks back at home :( all this in 9 months has left me being a wreck - some days i am OK - my moods are up and down, on a bad day am anxious, overly insecure, angry, restless, tearful and keep getting palpitations, all that replays in my head is my partners infidelity. I cannot concentrate and HATE it when my partner is not with me. My partner has given up drinking - since i found out in August and has been supporting me (without going into that situation too much) we are working through it, i understand he has had his own problems too and i (and the kids) have been caught up in his carnage. Some days i feel weak for staying with him despite him trying hard, i hate it when he's not here. I go to work 2 x per week but work on my own anyway. I have gone insecure about how i look, my weight etc
On paper we have everything to look forward too. A new business adventure, a new home and 4 kids (my daughter (14) is doing really really well now and leading a normal life) but i hate what he has done and i am finding it all extremely hard. One day i can be positive, fine, everything is good and can have this stretch for a few days then another day i will wake up and it will all hit me and i feel like i am sinking :( i hate being alone at home - all my family and 2 friends i have live 90 mile away and they have their own lives. I can't tell my mum anything as shes got enough with my dad. I have 2 horses which i used to enjoy riding and looking after but now i just cannot be arsed with them, i go and feed them etc but not ridden as i can't be bothered :(
Can anyone offer advice? i have thought of counselling but its expensive especially with xmas round the corner and i know the NHS has a long wait. Thanks