I think my friend's got Munchausen's Syndrome. WWYD?

[smithsinarazz]

Minimising everything so as not to be outing - a friend of mine has for many years had a panoply of ailments affecting every body system - skin, intestines, memory, joints, etc. I've always stuck up for her whenever anyone's suggested there's anything psychological about her condition, partly because I - used to - admire her very much as a charismatic musician, and partly because it seems so very rotten to disbelieve a friend who says she's ill.
However, of late a few things have made me disbelieve her - times when she's changed her story about a particular ailment, or when it's been investigated and nothing's been found.
There's nothing I can do, is there? She's obviously the person who's suffering the most. She really believes she's ill, and she's definitely not very happy. The rest of us have to do quite a lot of picking her up and cossetting her, as does her husband, but she's the one who's having the worst time of it. But I think if I were to say to her "look, So-and-So, do you think it might be all in the mind?" she'd be drastically offended, and it would have a pretty explosive effect upon my social grouping.

Maybe ask her the outcome of all the issues she's taken to the doctor? Whether anything she's been so worried about proved to be so?
Her GP will be able to tell if she is suffering this as surely the gp has been the one to hear the continual complaints and proved them groundless?

Maybe it's psychological, but in that case she is genuinely ill, and suffering.

Alternatively, she could have a 'real illness', or collection of illnesses, that haven't been diagnosed properly yet. It happens. We don't know all there is yet to know about the body, not all illnesses have been identified yet. There are also some illnesses that are difficult to spot/doctors lack training on. Ask anybody with Lyme disease how easy it was to get a diagnosis. It, and certain other diseases, can cause a collection of seemingly unrelated symptoms like you describe.

Your best course of action is to be supportive. I don't think I would challenge her on the possibility of a psychological cause. What is your motivation for wondering what to do?

Sounds like your friend has hypochondria (thinking you are sick and constantly getting tests), not Munchausens (making yourself sick on purpose through injury or poisoning). I say this not to nitpick but more to ease your mind, Munchausens is extremely rare and people can really hurt themselves. Hypochondriacs are a dime a dozen and the only thing they hurt is the NHS through repeated pointless testing.

Whether I would speak to her about it really depends on the person and friendship. I have a friend who is a hypochondriac, and as we are close I have told her that no I don't think she has x illness, it's health anxiety. She was fine hearing it and even admits it most likely is anxiety, but knowing this doesn't ease her mind and she still worries she is sick.

If you don't think your friend would take hearing that well, I wouldn't say anything. But I would step back from always listening to her woe is me stories and helping her out in times of fake sickness. Just saying I'm busy or whatever, instead of contronting her about it.

Hmm... I’m not a doctor, but I wonder if past emotional stress/trauma that she hasn’t addressed is playing itself out as physical symptoms, even though there’s nothing physically wrong with her.

In that case, there’s not much you can do, as suggesting this to her will probably sound like “I think you’re crazy “ to her ears. I would hope, if she’s seeing her GP a lot, that he/she would pick up that the issue is more emotional than physical, and suggest appropriate treatment.

Sorry, I’m not being much help, am I?

Thanks everyone, those are some really good and thoughtful responses, and they've helped me put my thoughts in order.
@ShovingLeopard - yes to perhaps unknown syndrome (there MUST be a common cause). Re motivation - now, that is a good question. Am I a) genuinely concerned b) narked by years of cossetting c) just wanting to be the person who Knows the Truth? Being honest with myself, probably all those are true, a bit, and therefore I need to set aside b) and c) and only do anything if it does anything to address a).
@Livingoncake - yes, I think you may well be absolutely right. It fits with things that have happened to her in the past. You ARE being helpful, and, as @Shriek says, yes, her GP should have spotted it if all her ailments really aren't all that bad.
@butteredghost - good point re categories. (I don't think she's harming herself directly, but I do think she's giving herself a crap life, because she spends most of her time in bed taking loads of pills and scratching.) No, I really don't think she would take it well if I were to confront her, unfortunately. I think it'd hurt her terribly.
So - yeah - perhaps the only thing I can do is to try to be supportive to the person rather than the ailments. Talk about anything but body parts and drugs.

As others have said munchausen's is incredibly rare and very difficult to diagnose. Equally I've had medical problems that I know are real because doctors can see the effect on my blood tests but equally when under investigation can find no cause. It's incredibly frustrating when a doctor says "I know you're unwell but there's nothing else I can do".

I'd stop pretending you're her friend. You're not.

I'm sick to death of the I don't understand something, tests are negative, must be psychological approach. It really is deeply flawed and thoroughly unpleasant.

I'm speaking as someone who took 6 years to get their child anywhere near diagnosis after years of negative tests and multiple accusations of psychological disorder/I was causing it. One psychologist claimed she could get DS out of his wheelchair. We've now got the right test and know that just isn't ever going to happen.

If you are a friend then be one. Support her. But frankly if it's anything out of the ordinary the NHS is shit and its not surprising that she's not found a diagnosis.

I hear what you're saying, @GreenEggsHamandChips, and I'm really sorry you've had the experiences you've had. I agree with you that the NHS is amazing when something's simple and not amazing at all when it isn't! However, I've been working on the "must be some kind of unexplained syndrome" hypothesis for ten years, in which time I've helped out here and there - been to see her, done a bit of babysitting, brought her things in hospital, that sort of thing - as you would. But something happened that made me doubt the hypothesis.
Also, got to say, psychological illness is still illness.

've been working on the "must be some kind of unexplained syndrome" hypothesis for ten years, in which time I've helped out here and there - been to see her, done a bit of babysitting, brought her things in hospital, that sort of thing - as you would. But

And you wouldn't have done that if it was psychological?!?!? Seriously your but says so much.

Look... If it is psychological your telling her you think that isn't going to make a difference if 10 years hasn't sorted it and if she doesn't think it is I hope she drops you like a hit potato for even suggesting it.

Help people because you see someone who needs help and you have it within your power to make their life a little better without diminishing yourself. That's being a friend. Don't help because the reason they need help is worthy or not. That's not being a friend. Carers burn out is a thing too. Do take a step back if actually you need a break from being the one leant on for help. That's being a friend too even if it doesn't seem like it.

Another vote from me greenham know only too well the 'other cheek' of the nhs, either dismissing (bad enough) or (worse) accusatory just because they can't get to the bottom of something!
Shape shifters some of them!
Sorry that you've experienced a bum deal from them, but your persistence sounds to have paid dicidends, finally after much hair pulling no doubt

@GreenEggsHamandChips - I'm sorry for upsetting you, and FWIW, I know how dreadful I must sound. I mean, you're supposed to believe your friends, aren't you? And, yes, you're totally right - me telling her "I think it's psychological" sure as hell isn't going to magic it better. Just trying to work my way through - and I think I'm finding out, for the umpteenth time, that just because you have doubts about something that someone else believes doesn't mean you need to tell them so.

As a poster above maunchausens involves harming yourself for medical attention, not just making up illness, and is very rare

I mean, you're supposed to believe your friends, aren't you?

No you're meant to be a friend to a friend. That generally means enjoying the good bits and not caring about the other bits.

just because you have doubts about something that someone else believes doesn't mean you need to tell them so.

Your meant to be a friend to a friend. That means actually caring whether what you say is helpful or hurtful. A conversation isn't just what you what to say to someone, it's what they want and need to hear too.

Now if you are regularly thinking things that your friend would find hurtful to hear. That's not friendship or being friendly, it's being two faced.

It's the same a helping. You seem to have the whole thing back to front. Being a friend is about putting the other person first. If you find you cant/don't want to do that it's not friendship.

You haven't upset me. You're just an anonymous poster on an internet forum. I just feel really sorry for your "friend".

I think you might be projecting a little here.