Renovations and I can’t face Christmas

[mummyhart]

Hi.
I really need some advice please.
We are just coming out of a very stressful build which has been going on since Spring. Over the last month it has become incredibly stressful with major things going wrong with the build. We aren’t even talking to our builder now. I feel totally exhausted and glass feels extremely empty.
I offered at the beginning of the year to host Xmas for my husbands mum and dad , my parents and sister at ours along with my hubby and two daughters. Age 9 and 11. This was when we assumed the build would be finished well before Xmas. And it’s not now.
I have a history of anxiety and am currently seeing a psychotherapist . Despite being totally worried about taking on a renovation i feel I have managed to mostly keep the anxiety at bay whilst renovations have been happening. I think I’ve on the whole enjoyed it and have been project managing and running round like a headless chicken and probably not stopping to really feel anxious. Yes it’s been stressful but only recently in the last month have I felt totally overwhelmed, exhausted and quite flat. This has been probably due to a combo of running on empty, glass not full and not having trust in the builder lately.
Whilst I wasn’t feeling too stressed with the build A couple of months ago we found out my husbands sister and family were on their own so invited them too. Then my hubby sprung it on me about a month ago that his brother and family from America would be coming too. Totalling 18.
I’m now feeling very anxious and totally overwhelmed not only with the build but the idea of hosting Xmas. I really want to just fast forward to January. We do have the choice to go to my mums for Xmas which I totally want to do but hubby wants to christen our newly renovated kitchen and celebrate Xmas with his family. I feel panicky, withdrawn and totally exhausted.
Hubby has said he’ll do everything but I’m not happy with that. I love cooking normally but don’t trust he can do it properly. Plus I just so need some down time. Not getting stressed over major entertaining.
I don’t feel like I’m seeing straight at the moment and just want Hubby to support my mental health and understand my point of view that we can’t take any more stress this year. I want to be good for him And my girls and not on the verge of a mental breakdown. He is so desperate to get together with his side of the family and I do understand that but we are seeing them for 3 days over the Xmas week. So it’s not like we won’t be seeing them.
I’m worried that if I go to my mums hubby will feel let down and down but if I’m at home I’ll be a mess. We’ve left it that we will see how it goes with the builder this week but ultimately family need to know to make other arrangements.
I know it’s only a roast at the end of the day but if feels so much more than that.
I know ultimately it boils down to Hubby probably needing to be more supportive but I’m a worrier and can’t quite see clear enough with the stress what the best thing to do is here.
Apologies for the monologue!
Thank you in advance for any supportive words you can offer me x

I honestly feel for you but think you need to get on with things.

Your husband's brother is coming all the way from America...if that was my brother, there'd be no discussion about where he and his family were having Christmas.

This also makes you seem highly selfish and controlling.

Hubby has said he’ll do everything but I’m not happy with that. I love cooking normally but don’t trust he can do it properly.

He will do everything...it's not up to you to control HOW he does it. It's his family as well OP.

I appreciate your reply and yes I probably am being selfish. But I think after living in a stressful situation and a major fall out with builder and damaged floor and roof it has made me feel like I don’t want to host. I probably didn’t explain that my brother in law is staying at his others brothers house. It’s not like He wouldn’t have any where to go. It has been suggested already.
You are right about me coming across as being controlling. I know when my anxiety levels are high I can be like that. I do need to be aware of that you are right.
Anxiety sadly can make us selfish but I think renovations that aren’t straight forward can make the best of us crack.

Sounds like a pain in the ... can you do some other things to alleviate your anxiety - exercise, yoga, meditation, massage cutting down on alcohol, caffeine etc - anything to build up your resilience & make things feel a bit less daunting. I find for me that my anxiety is less about the actual situation & more about how I feel about them - when I'm bad the tiniest challenges can seem insurmountable while when I'm in good form I feel much more confident about my ability to cope & actively seek out new projects.
Keeping a worry diary, or even just writing down my thoughts at the end of the day also helps me when I feel overwhelmed. If you feel like your anxiety is getting into being clinically unwell territory then it's best to flag up with your DH, GP or someone else you can talk to sooner rather than later - the last thing you need is a complete meltdown over the break & you may benefit from scheduling a few hours of 'me time' each day/week when you are hosting so you can escape from the in-laws & keep your sanity intact!

Thank you for your kind message. What you have said is so true. I totally agree. I normally do lots of yoga and exercise and it helps. With the build I’ve had to be at home a lot and it’s been difficult to create that time. But I will try. Thank you again

I think you can do it - it's just managing a different project and if you can pull off renovations (even getting them to this stage, regardless of issues), you can definitely pull off Christmas hosting. What I would do in your position (as a fellow depression and anxiety sufferer - and this may not work for you) is:

• prep as much as possible in advance (both practically and mentally);

• schedule in some time for myself before guests arrive (both to get practical stuff done and also just relax a little);

• factor in a little time each day for myself as per the previous poster's suggestion.