Limerence?

[GaynorGoodwin]

Has anyone been through/going through this? I think I have but it’s only recently I’ve found a name for it. Last year/early this year I met someone I used to work with and we had a one night stand. I’m not proud of it, I don’t like myself for it....but it happened. Just the once. It wasn’t even that good if I’m honest. Anyhow...I found myself unable to stop thinking about him, wondering what he was doing, etc, etc. He’s married, I’m married and that was that. He doesn’t live in the area anymore so there’s no chance of us crossing paths again.
Has anyone else gone through similar?

Hi,
Yes, I have, although my situation was very different. It was with my ex-boyfriend who dumped me suddenly. I stupidly thought we could be friends.
I'm happy to say I'm coming out the other side (I truly believed this was impossible, but trust me it is!). I think this is mainly because I have only recently discovered some things he did when we were together that were just beyond horrible. I've blocked him (even his email), and find myself missing him a lot less. Like you, mine lived elseewhere.
I think that excitement is what really appeals to limerence. I found him very "exciting" in the sense that his unpredictability would always make things different. You might be imagining what your life was like if things were different. I'd strongly suggest blocking him if you can. If you do this, try not to be tempted to unblock him at any point because any messages he sent you will immediately come on your phone.

Its called cheating.

Yes OP, an ex of mine. He was domestically abusive to me for many years and it’s only as a result of extensive therapy did I realise the extent of the abuse. My therapist has urged me on multiple occasions to go to the police. She believes that as a result of the abuse I have developed trauma bonding where you become somewhat obsessed with your abuser.

It has taken a long time to rid myself of this obsession and anger. Now I go days without thinking about him. Like @waterbird I found out some exceptionally unsavoury things about my ex when we split up this time and it’s enough to finally stop me from going back.

It was a dangerous relationship and I think if I’m stayed in it I’d be dead. Therapy has helped me massively.

I think you’ve made some good points. I did find it exciting although knew at the same time what I was doing was very wrong. I think I’m nearly over it but it’s proving to be quite a journey. Thanks for your input.

@didsome, how awful for you. So sorry to hear what you’ve gone through but pleased you’ve come out the other end.