Hi everyone,
Sorry for the influx of posts. Also that I am incapable of being concise (my lecturers despair I think!)
I have no children but see my DN (nearly 3) every day. I started self-harming over 20 years ago, although haven't really done it for years now, except very rarely. I do have quite a lot of scars all over my body, not too bad and generally quite faint.
When I was younger I always hid my scars all year round but then I kind of lost my inhibitions and would show anything that was completely healed and faded. I did kind of feel guilty when I was somewhere with lots of children, but children are everywhere so that was pretty impossible (e.g. hot day and in a supermarket). I have never heard a child say anything, to their mum or whatever, which I think they probably would if they noticed. So I figure they are not so observant and the marks don't stand out that much.
However, in Jan/Feb this year I became unwell and hurt my arm which still hasn't healed. Because my arm is incredibly itchy due to being under dressings/bandages for 9 or 10 months, I haven't been able to resist giving them a scratch (around the dressings) when my DN has been in the room. I thought I was being subtle and it's been when she's been engrossed in the TV, but I didn't get away with it. She hasn't seen any injuries, just scars and dressings, and obviously she doesn't understand that I did it myself.
She keeps telling my family (she lives with her mum - my DSis, her dad, and my parents) that I have a poorly arm. And yesterday she made me roll down my sleeves. She looked at the arm that is not injured first, but it is kind of misshapen and scarred, so she sort of said "aww". I tried to distract her from wanting to roll down my other sleeve but I'm a bit pathetic and can't cope with her tantrums so I give in to her (I know). She was stroking the dressings and saying "poor you".
I always tell her that it will be better soon, and that I am fine. As briskly as I can, and then try to distract her with something else.
Is it inappropriate for her to see scars and evidence like dressings? I feel like my Dsis and maybe BIL must disapprove, although I don't know and can't ask them because it is not something we discuss. I don't want them to be upset with me, and I don't want to upset my gorgeous DN. Obviously as I said, she doesn't understand that it is any different from when my Dsis's hand was hurt because she got bitten at work(!), but what about when she gets older and asks why her aunties arms are scarred? It will probably be down to her parents to explain, which puts them in a difficult position and it will be my fault.
What should I do? Maybe it is too late already as she obviously remembers. Should I just tell her next time that it is all better and she doesn't need to see? Would that work? Do you think I have to hide my arms and legs until she is grown up? (I have scars on more visible places like my hands and neck but they are not as noticeable). Will she then forget about them ever being there? How should I deal with it if she sees? Am I a terrible person? Is this a child protection issue? (when I was ill I put her in danger so I am particularly concerned about this)
Does anyone have opinions about this? (whether you have any experience of self-harm or not). Don't hold back, I want to know what you really think. Thanks