Any advice about rumination?

[Aomame83]

I have had mental health problems my entire adult life. Severe depression, anxiety and occasional mild pyschosis.

I have a job, but it is one where I'm quite isolated, working with very few people as I seem to struggle socially with people.

My anxiety has become far worse over the past couple of years. I used to get very anxious in social situations, but once I escaped I felt my symptoms subside. Now, I am constantly ruminating over everything interaction I have with anyone, in person, via text whatever - how what I did makes me a bad person or that the others hate me and how I could have done things differently. It is the constant default thought in my head. It stops me from enjoying the things I like, reading, movies, family time. It is a constant drone.

When I am with people, the stress is so bad, I'm feeling shakey and mistrusting of people. Sometimes it's so bad, I get a jolt fear through me, like the other person is going to do me harm. I just feel like everyone I meet and know despises me. I'm due to start a lengthy CBT group course in the new year.

Can anyone offer any help or advice on how I can stop these thoughts going round and round? At times I've felt very suicidal and it's terrifying.

Sorry you're suffering so much Aomame

I'm not an expert and am not qualified to give advice, but the CBT course sounds like a great step. It sounds like you need some support to help you start to learn more positive ways of thinking, which is definitely possible, but takes time. Have you been to your GP about your anxiety worsening? Medication and therapy can work very well together. Sorry if you've already done this.

What has helped me is reminding myself that thinking other people don't like me is a symptom of depression, it is not reality. As is feeling like a bad person. It's not based on any evidence. Your brain will take any situation and twist it to convince you of these things. They are not true - it's the depression talking. I've taken to counteracting these thoughts with the opposite eg saying to myself 'people do like me, that's just my depression talking'. Constantly, throughout the day, I will make an effort to correct myself like this, and it helps calm me down. This may not be possible for you yet if you are overwhelmed and at your lowest point, in which case please be kind to yourself.

Wishing you luck

Thank you very much for your response. I'm at a very low point right now and just any response is enough to make me feel like someone has heard me.

I probably should be back with my GP, but just end up dealing with it alone. I've been back and forth and nothing seems to help.

The thing is I don't know people like me. I feel like there is evidence that they don't. You know when people talk about toxic people, I feel like I'm one of those people. I do try to be a good person, I do make mistakes like everyone, I'm just bad at interacting with people I think.

It's not a quick fix but I would recommend meditation - I use the Headspace app. Over a long time you can learn skills though practise to observe thoughts rather than being caught up in them. Trying to block, avoid or escape thoughts tends to be counter productive and gives them greater power. These habits of mind tend to have developed over years. Intrusive negative thoughts will always be there but you can intervene. At first it takes a long time to realise that you are caught up in thinking or feeling and let it go because it is a familiar grove and may even feel comfortable - familiar awful. Sometimes we have to ruminate to fix a problem but that doesn't sound where you are at. You seem to be ruminating where there is no problem to fix and at your own detriment.

So default (ie habitual thinking) is nobody likes me because I did or said x,y or z (replays over and over in mind).

When you realise (no prizes for realising earlier rather than later) don't try and counteract (people do like me because of an alternative x,y or z) (this just leads to more thinking) but stop ... oh .... thinking ... focus on the breath instead ... in ... out ... count the in breath and the out breath etc.

What will change in the real world? People will either like you or not - your anxiety about past interactions cannot effect this. You will feel less anxious.

Meditation is a good idea.

I can almost guarantee you are not a toxic person Aomame - the definition of a toxic person is someone who doesn't stop to think about how they are impacting others.

I can relate to the picking apart conversations and worrying about being negative company for others. I tell myself it simply isn't possible to always be 'good' socially when I'm depressed and anxious. Remember this isn't 'you', it's an illness and something you are going through. Once you start to tackle that and realise all your good traits and that you are a good person, talking to others will get easier again. And you won't worry so much about what people think of you.

I would definitely try going back to the GP and emphasising how bad the anxiety is. Perhaps there are medications you haven't tried that could help ease it in the meantime as you start therapy?

Sending love

Thank you for your responses... There has been some really useful things mentioned.

Sometimes it's good to hear that people will or won't like you, the anxiety won't change that. It makes you realise that the anxiety is almost a thing on its own. I think I just have such little self esteem that the tiniest inkling that someone doesn't like me, destroys me.

I have looked at meditation before, but not seriously. I downloaded a meditation app last night and gave it a shot before bed. I think it will take practice, but I need to give it a good try.

Yes. I think you're right, I need to see my GP . I've been on antidepressants before, but not anxiety specifics. I cannot do this without help. It's impacting on my family too much.