I'm freaking out. I've got another thread going about medication for anxiety and that is something I am going to look into but right now I cannot stop freaking out. I want to pass out and throw up. I feel terrified. I can't breathe. I'm here on my own with dcs - having to hold it together in front of them but am just going to go to pieces once they are in bed. DH won't be home from work until 10pm.
I have health anxiety, mainly focused on cancer. Previous attack a few weeks ago was triggered by someone I know (similar age to me) being diagnosed with colon cancer. Ever since I found out, I've had a "bruised rib" feeling and a stitch-like pain coming and going in my left side. Then I saw a fb video over the weekend about someone off tv who'd not been to dr for years but was having pains in his leg that he'd had for a while but they got worse so he went to see GP and found out he's got advanced prostate cancer that's spread to his bones. Obviously I know I have no prostrate but the bit about aching legs has triggered this current attack as I do sometimes suffer with achey hip and leg. Again always on the left side.
So now I am convinced that the rib pain is the cancer and it's spread to my bones and that is the pain I can feel. It's like I can literally feel it spreading around inside me and now my arm is aching too. The more I worry, the worse the pains get.
It seems so stupid writing it down but it is everything going through my mind. I know the pains are most likely a symptom of my anxiety - I always get pain/tenderness in whatever area my anxiety is currently focussed on. I am trying not to focus on it and distract myself but not doing very well. Current attack been going on since Sunday night. Keep thinking I'm feeling a bit better but then it washes over me again. Today has been horrible - I've gone to pieces several times.
I've got rescue remedy, Passion flower and valerian which I'm taking but no actual medication. I've tried exercise, YouTube meditations and repeating mantras to myself to say I'm not ill, it's just anxiety.
I've got a drs appointment but the earliest the could fit me in is Xmas eve. I want to ask the gp for a blood test to reassure me I don't have cancer but all I can think about is getting a call to go in to see doctor for the results and being told they've found it too late and there's nothing they can do. That's what is in my head all the time.
Sorry for long rambling post. I think I just need distracting but I wanted to try and explain how I'm feeling.
Is anyone there?