Anxiety, depression and other issues..

[Becca19962014]

I've written this thread many many times in the past, but i don't think I've actually posted it!

I'm really struggling with anxiety and depression right now. I've several other conditions and well and I've developed a physical problem with my throat that's effecting my breathing meaning exercises I did before for anxiety no longer work and when I'm having panic attacks and flashbacks I cannot get myself out of them. I've ended up collapsing from struggling to breathe. All the counselling I had told me I couldn't be physically harmed by my mental health but I've since discovered that the combination with my other condition means that I can. The raise in my blood pressure from screaming at voices has damaged my eyes and I can't have low blood pressure meds because it isn't all the time and my throat has a growth in it and again, badly effected by screaming.

Cmht dont want to know saying I just need mindfulness as I'm just borderline and booked me on a course for £200 which I can't afford (I've tried it before and it didn't help anyway). They say the voices don't matter as they're not the right type or constant, whatever that means.

I can't have meds because of my other conditions.

I've tried getting in contact with those who helped before but they don't want to know now I'm having all these problems. I've been a member of a charity that helps people with panic but they've refused to help after I said their crisis message no longer helps me (it's based on deep breathing which I cannot physically do anymore and there's a lot in there about how anxiety cannot cause any harm) and they got annoyed with me claiming I didn't want it to improve - it's really upset me actually as it was the only thing that really helped when struggling when i first began with panic/PTSD that stopped me going out ten years ago but now it's useless and I've always supported them.

I know it's rare but my mh is really effecting my physical health.

So any ideas?

I totally understand if no one does.

Does should be doesn't!

Hi Becca, I don't really know what to say so this won't be very helpful, but couldn't read and not respond.

It must be so tough when they say you're just borderline so we are washing our hands of you. If you are borderline and haven't tried DBT it's meant to be good and you can get Marsha Linehans skills manual and learn some helpful skills.

You presumably can't have Propranolol because of low blood pressure? Any other meds that would help anxiety? I'm sure you and they have already thought of this though! Obviously diazepam and lorazepam are not great, but if your physical health is in serious danger then necessary maybe? Lesser evil and all that.

Is the main problem you are particularly worried about that you actually can't breathe when having panic attacks due to voices or flashbacks? Is there anything you can do to prevent these panic attacks? I don't have these sorts of panic attacks really, nor do I have flashbacks, so I can't really help, and I know you said mindfulness doesn't help. I used to think mindfulness was a waste of time and kept away from it, even though it seems to help others a lot. But then one therapist taught me how to use it for hallucinations and delusions and it was amazing. I thought maybe this might help you. I had to think to myself "I've just had a thought that I heard a voice saying X" or "my brain is just misfiring at the moment". Thinking of it as my brain misfiring, just a chemical thing, was really helpful and made it less real. Obviously this isn't helpful when you are completely psychotic and it's all real, because you don't even consider that it's not really happening, but you seem to be aware that it's not real, so this may help you. Maybe you've tried this as you say you've tried mindfulness, but I have a feeling my therapist was trying a novel approach so maybe it's not a traditional use of thinking mindfully.

I also like to calm myself as if I was talking to a little child. I actually have to say it out loud so best to do alone! Things like "it's all right Fermat, everything's going to be okay" and then talking myself through what I'm doing "we're just going to put that there and then we're going to make a drink. That'll be nice won't it? Then we're going to go and read for a bit" or whatever. Just on and on until I feel better.

Does that make sense? Hopefully something I've said might be useful and apologies if not as I do have very different experiences I think.

Thank you for replying.

Borderline is the diagnosis they give to everyone here automatically. Then you're left to see what happens.

I can't have diazepam or lorazepam because of the physical effects of taking them.

DBT was useless for my needs whI have don't meet borderline criteria, but like I said everyone's diagnosed as borderline to begin with. I clashed with cpns who kept going on about how I must have certain needs when reality is I don't.

The mindfulness stuff I found made things worse for me. It actually made things far more pronounced not less so.

I can't prevent the panic attacks or flashbacks anymore as they're happening everywhere. When I struggle to breathe physically for example that triggers one but I can do nothing about the blockage in my throat. If I sneeze it effects my breathing/coughing too and I panic. I've a phobia of medical professionals so it's hard to go out in case I'm ill and taken to hospital.

It's really hard because what helped now doesn't.

Talking to myself nicely triggers voices and makes those issues even worse.

It's very hard to explain!!

I think also a big issue for me is being blamed for it - being borderline, having anxiety and depression by professionals, like I've chosen to be this way, my last appointment they told me I'd chosen not to grow up properly

I already beat myself up a lot for being weak, I didn't need it from them as well. I'd expected understanding not ridicule or being told to buy a CBT book and it'd sort everything (I'd already done things like that before I was seen).

Okay. Sorry if I have offended you or made things worse. I don't think it is your fault at all. If you have flashbacks you presumably have trauma in your background and that has obviously affected you hugely, which is understandable, and I am so sorry you've been treated so badly by people meant to care for you. I also have been physically and psychologically bullied by professionals (nurses and HCAs in hospital) and know how confusing it is and how you begin to question yourself and feel worse about yourself.

I won't say any more as I don't think I can understand what you are going through, so it's best if I don't try to offer advice. I am diagnosed with schizophrenia and what works for me may therefore not work for you, and I don't want to make any more unhelpful suggestions.

Do you see any doctors for the physical health problems? They may be more understanding? I've found they tend to be nicer! That is a generalisation of course, as I have also meet lots of lovely psychiatric staff, and some less nice general medical staff. But also, if you see someone for the growth in your throat then if they are an expert in this then they will surely have experienced treating people with panic about not being able to breathe before. I think anyone would panic if they couldn't breathe and you are not being irrational or childish or difficult or whatever. Maybe they would have some ideas? Obviously this is complicated by your mental health problems, but you never know, they might have some strategies.

Keep pushing for help, although you shouldn't really have to.

Again, sorry I can't help, and sorry for upsetting you. I hope someone else has more useful advice for you

I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make it sound like you were making things worse!!

I'll read the rest of your post now..

Actually the people who did understand were those at the hearing voices network who suffered with schizophrenia because the approach they had to voices was much more beneficial to me. I got into trouble though when the cpns find out I was going as they said it wasn't for people like me and stopped going. It's closed down now so that's not an avenue that's open to me but I might try asking for advice about how people manage who hear voices.

I'm beginning to think that labels do more harm than good with mental health!

I have very limited support physically due to rareness of my conditions and I can no longer travel. You're right about the person possibly helping about the panic due to the throat problem, I'd not really thought of that, so Thankyou.

I'm really sorry that you thought I was blaming you, I hope you can forgive me, I'm useless at getting myself across well in writing, I meant professionals were blaming me not you.

Thankyou for replying.

Becca, I am so sorry to hear you are struggling!

I am a therapist and we work to find the root cause of the issue, the techniques I use I've mastered over the past 12yrs to find the best ones, to get long-lasting results.

I think with most therapies, they try to get you to think logically or change your thoughts, but if there's a part of you that isn't quite agreeing with what they are saying it won't work, which is why you have had no luck up until now.

Have you tried working with a therapist to find the root cause? If you deal with this, then your subconscious has no triggers, which will reduce the panic symptoms.

I'd also look at your belief systems around this issue, for example ask yourself these...

Is it safe to let this go?
Do I want to let this go?
Can this problem be resolved?

Now if you answered, Yes! Then great you are ready to start your healing work. If you answered no, to any - you have something called resistance. For example, there is then a hidden benefit to keeping this issue. Now you may not know what this is consciously, but sometimes a part of us wants us to hold on to something because of X,Y, Z.

Your therapist should then find what these benefits and clear any resistance.

Then you can start work and it's much easier!

Good luck x

The therapy didn't work as it was based around things I do not go through or do and some very distressing assumptions that weren't true.

I had private therapy for eight months but again it was the same.

If I'd had support for the abuse I suffered and consequent issues from the court finding them innocent or was supported when abused by other patients in front of staff who saw and knew then that would have helped but I wasn't allowed that.

I've no money to try again. Even if I could find someone who didn't make stupid assumptions about me.