Feeling so low

[Darkesth0ur]

And I have no idea how I can feel better. I have bipolar disorder and I'm going through my worst depressive phase yet. Im struggling so much. Im not eating, sleeping a lot, anxiety is through the roof, I've totally withdrawn from my life, I can't bear the thought of seeing anyone socially, I cry at everything and it all seems so hopeless.

I'm on a huge amount of medication and I am extremely well supported through the NHS. I know nothing more can be done and this will pass, but it's so horrible. I've just dropped my youngest dd to school and come straight back to bed. I have washing to sort, dogs to walk, housework to be done but I cannot face any of it.

Is this my life??? Is this how it's always going to be?? I'm not sure I can bear it.

Sorry for the outpouring, I just needed to get this down somewhere.

No, it will not always be like it is now. I really do feel for you, have some knowledge of bipolar, also depression and anxiety (which of course you have if you are bipolar).

If you can sleep, sleep as much as possible. When awake only do what you want to do or have to do and only see people if you choose to.

Next time you see your doctor or specialist, tell them about this episode and discuss medication. Meds do have to be adjusted and sometimes meds are not helpful.

I'm not saying any more, this is not advice as I'm no medical professional, just things I've picked up along the way.

You will have plenty of hand holding here [flowers[.

Thank you Blue.

I'm already on a fast track to see my psychiatrist - I have a CPN and she's brilliant at looking out for me. A change of meds is definitely on the cards but I'm frightened about that because I truly cannot go back to where I was before my diagnosis. I really can't.

I feel frustrated because I just want to live a normal life. I want to go to the gym, I want to do Pilates, I want to be happy and smiling.

Thanks for the support :)