Tinnitus

[monkeymuma]

My husband suffers from tinnitus and so finds it hard to deal with our screaming toddler. We have arguments almost daily as he says I don't care about him because i won't shout at our son for screaming and try and say he's just being a typical 2 year old.
He says the root of his problem is me and puts me down all the time so I don't always feel that much empathy because I feel flat and am trying to pull myself back from the comments I get a lot.
He is getting worse with the sounds he has an issue with and he gets aggressive with it, hitting the walls etc. I hate that our son is seeing this but I really don't know what to do or how to help. Has anyone got any experience with tinnitus or the best way to support someone with this. Thank you

Yeah I've had tinnitus

It was horrible but it didn't turn me into an arsehole

I may be able to advise re: tinnitus but I think the real problem is the arseholeyness

For some it is literally torture day in, day out.

I also have tinnitus. It can be really annoying. It doesn't make me act in a horrible way towards my family, though.
It's not the tinnitus that's the problem. There are coping mechanisms that don't involve treating his family in such an awful manner.

Yes that is as may be but punching walls and shouting at kids? Really??!

I was prescribed nothing but an antihistamine and had tinnitus and labyrinthitis at the same time but I must be a saint for not letting it turn me into an arsehole... 🙄

Has he had any tinnitus management or counselling?

He keeps going to the dr but they just refer him to the hospital and they do the same tests each time but never any solutions. He has a masker to help but this doesn't help when toddler has his moments. He had cbt a few years ago but nothing since.
I feel like our son has picked up that he can get things from dad if he screams so that's another issue which means we clash.
I feel horrible not being supportive all the time but I do try. I just feel so tired all the time and have little energy for myself let alone anyone else. I know I should do more but I get so frustrated that I get the brunt of it all the time.
Any tips on how to support with the tinnitus would be helpful.

How long has he had the tinnitus? What was he like before it? Has he always been short tempered?

He's had it for years but it seems to be getting worse, especially since having our son. He has always been short tempered though

I've had tinnitus constantly for 5 years and it can be very difficult to stay level when under additional stress, I can occasionally snap at dh or end up in tears easily sometimes. It's always followed with an apology saying it is getting on top of me and dh understands. When it first started I joined some forums but had to leave as people with severe cases contemplating suicide to just stop the noise was too much. There is a massive difference between a short period of tinnitus for a few days or weeks and having it roaring and whistling day and night for years..

But his response of putting you down and getting aggressive is unacceptable and he needs to apologise, get help for his behaviour or leave.

I have had tinnitus with menieres disease for about 10 years now. Whilst there is no cure- I have never been in state where I have punched walls. Yes loud noises can be very irritating cos they seem to be 100% louder than they really are, but I think thats a menieres side effect as opposed to a tinnitus one. So if kids put cup down on work top with a heavier hand than normal it seems like they are banging it down, or if they let a door swing closed as opposed to closing it, it seems like they are banging the door. He needs to make white noise a friend, maybe have a humidifier or similar or a fan going in the back ground, keep ear plugs in his pocket- the soft squishy ones, I use these and put one in my effected ear when things are bad. There are ways to cope without it negatively effecting the whole family. I also sleep with a humidifer on at night for white noise.