Crippling anxiety- feel like I'm falling apart

[HighAnxiety]

I'm sitting at home crying and don't know what to do.

My brain just won't work properly. I feel terrified and anxious all the time. I'm sleeping very badly, I usually get to sleep ok but wake at 5am or earlier with my heart pounding then can't get back to sleep. No matter what I do I can't stay asleep for more than 5 hours and I'm exhausted.

I've just left a job I only started in September. I resigned because I just couldn't get to grips with it as I was in a permanent state of panic. The job was a big change with a pretty steep learning curve but I've always been able to cope with that in the past. All the people were very nice but I just couldn't get past the terror so I resigned. Now I'm sitting here thinking I've made a terrible mistake and just don't know what has happened to me.

Such a lot of crap has happened over the last couple of years. My Dad died of Parkinson's and dementia just over two years ago. I wasn't able to be with him on the day he died as work wouldn't let me take time off. They were complete bastards to work for. Then a year ago they made me redundant. The day after I left there I had a routine day surgery procedure. However it caused bowel damage and I ended up having emergency surgery. I was seriously ill and took over two months to recover with the prospect of further surgery needed after four months. All this meant I couldn't look for permanent work until I had got the second surgery over with so had nearly a year filling in with temp work until starting this last job.

I just feel like I've lost all my confidence and feel permanently anxious. I really need to get back into work but feel like I've lost all my competence. DH has lost patience with me and doesn't understand why I couldn't make the last job work.

On top of all that I am still having problems after the surgery and have been having more treatment. I was left pretty traumatised after the poor treatment I had in hospital with my emergency surgery and still have nightmares about it.

I've made an appointment with the GP for tomorrow to try to get some help for this but I really don't know what he will be able to do for me. I just feel completely broken and have come close to ending things on a few occasions.

Sorry this has been so long and rambling and thanks for reading. I would just be grateful if anyone has any advice or comments to help me make sense of all this.

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Hello OP - I couldn't not reply. I have been in a similar situation - I struggle with anxiety and am on medication for it (sertraline, an SSRI) Your GP may suggest something similar tomorrow, and may also be able to refer you for a talking therapy of some kind, though I think there would probably be a wait for that.

You could also look into some form of short daily meditation practice, there are some good apps like Calm or Headspace (mostly free, though you can subscribe later). There are also online CBT resources that your GP can refer you to which might help you look at triggers for your anxiety.

I'm sorry your husband is losing patience. I've been both the supported person and the supporter so I have some insight into why he may be responding like this now - not excusing him but you can feel pretty useless when nothing you do seems to help.

You have had an unbelievably rough couple of years - no wonder you are feeling so strung out. I think even telling all this to the GP will help you - I found even just hearing myself say how I was feeling was a release.

Best of luck tomorrow. Look after yourself. It might not feel like it but you are loved, and you are important - don't do anything to hurt yourself.

Hi Maggie, thanks for your lovely reply it really helps to know someone understands what I am going through.

DH to be fair did agree with my decision to leave the job, in fact had said he didn't think I should take it in the first place. However he is worried about money, we would be ok for a few months but do need my salary. So I have to find something else soon, if I can control the anxiety enough to get through interviews and setting into a new job.

Just hope the GP can help me get my head together

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Look at benefits in the meantime just to help out till you feel your in the right head space better and no added pressure on top off the anxiety. Anxiety is shit, I’ve suffered since I was 23 now 61
Turn2us online

Sadly won't be entitled to any benefits but will be ok for a few months.

Just hope the doctor can help me sort my head out

Just thought help with finances would help with giving you breathing space and less pressure on you because Dh worries about money.

Without your health, you have nothing. It’s important to not put more added pressure on yourself
Things like
I must get this anxiety down
We need the money

People who have never suffered from anxiety symptoms don’t understand, they think your just worried.
It goes much deeper than that as you’ve experienced with some off the awful symptoms.

Before you go down the antidepressant route(which I think gp will do)
Have you thought of cbd oil(not cannibis) no thc in it
It’s supposed to be really good for anxiety
I’m on venlafaxine, and I have a fear off drugs.
I think I’d have a go at this first
Cbd brothers have a good reputation, it’s not cheap as a prescription but it’s gonna give you start up or discontinued SE
Just a thought

I understand what your going through 100%, be kind to yourself and look after yourself, nobody else will xx

Thanks Granada, I will look into your suggestions

Hi.

I’ve been through some really anxious times. One very recently. While I’m no expert I have wanted to stay away from antidepressants (just a personal choice). I have found for me that committing to headspace on a daily basis, yoga and excercise- in my case running has lifted and improved things immeasurably for me. I really recommend giving these things a go. All are free- headspace you can get the basic packs for free, yoga can be done via YouTube and I run on the road. Also I find that being in the outdoors particularly the woods/fields/open space is great for my head. Good luck with all this. It’s an awful time but you can get through it.

I am as much use as a chocolate teapot right now but wanted to say you aren't alone.

Hey HighAnxiety

I also suffer from severe anxiety and have done since I was 12 years old. Mine personally stems from bullying at school. I was on antidepressants for years and finally came off of them in March. Unfortunately for me yesterday my husband going away triggered a massive one and I was in a right state. Shaking, vomitting and wailing. Today through coping mechanisms that I have developed I feel a bit better, but it does leave me worried and exposed when the next one will be.

What you are feeling right now is horrific and without proper medical care you are going to struggle to overcome it. If I were you I would book an emergency appointment with your GP first thing in the morning.

You are not alone through this and I know what you are going through so please message me if you would prefer.

Thanks Ohshit, it helps just to know someone cares

Thanks zippy, I think you are definitely right about getting regular exercise and I am getting myself into a routine. I dropped out of exercise while in my recent job due to the long commute and I definitely think it contributed to the deterioration of my mental state

Hi Harper, sorry you are also going through a tough time at the moment as well and hope you are back on an even keel soon.

You are right, I need proper medical help to get through this, I can't do this alone. I've always been very bad at asking for help and this is why I have got myself into such a mess.

I have an appointment with the GP tomorrow morning and hopefully will be able to work out a plan to get out of this hole.

Thanks for the advice and for thinking of me, it is much appreciated.