I think it’s time to ask for help.

[BinJuice]

I am struggling a bit at the moment. I’ve always been prone to bouts of depression. I think I’m a bit of an arsehole really - I’m stubborn and not very good at admitting I’m wrong (only with DP though. In all other situations I assume others know best). I’m also quite bitter and not very good at being happy with what I’ve got, and instead get sad or jealous at what others have.

The thing that has prompted me to realise I need help is my temper lately. Today I threw the remote on the floor and smashed it because I was so infuriated with 3yo DS. He can’t be seeing me like that so I need to do something about it. I don’t know what to do.

We’ve been TTC for 2.5 years and we only have one more cycle before we give up. I’m sure this isn’t helping but it’s not all of it.

I need to sort myself out somehow.

I feel completely lost at the moment. I don't know what to do. I've lost all sense of self. My favourite time of year is Christmas and I can't even make myself look forward to putting the tree up. I can't imagine selling myself in an interview, let alone stepping into a workplace. I was so good at my job and they way my exit was managed has completely destroyed my self belief. I feel good for nothing - rubbish parent, rubbish wife and rubbish person.

I've been able to pick myself up and find things to look forward to up until this point. Now I can't even motivate myself to get to the shops. Even when I was feeling rubbish before, I could still do the shopping, washing, ironing etc.

But I really don't want to turn to ADs.

I'm really Interested (&sorry) to hear about your redundancy experiences, as I think it was threat of redundancy that triggered my most recent relapse. I kept my job but found the impact & atmosphere unbearable & it really affected my MH. So I really feel for you all and am sending positive vibes your way.

We knew something would happen when new management came in. Then they got rid of the old managers, then made us all apply for our own jobs. I was 36 and in an industry where everyone was 21. I’d lost a relative two months earlier and I suffered an ectopic a week later. The redundancy knocked me totally and I couldn’t find another job. I wouldn’t wish that experience on anyone. How is the atmosphere at work now KaroBB?

Oh poor you. What a combo. I also lost a relative recently. At the time of the redundancy they were seriously ill which was distressing & gave me panic attacks about coping with future losses.
18mths later we are in a similar situation again at work so it's not ideal. Morale has been low across the company & lots of people are leaving (voluntarily) but it hasn't been too bad for me - mainly a tad boring with occasional stressful periods. But I feel much better in myself now so am able to detach from the situation & enjoy non-work stuff so it feels less 'all consuming' iykwim.

I'm sorry about the mc too - I had a PUL & suspected ectopic earlier this year which wasn't much fun either. I was v lucky & fell pregnant again quickly but my original DD is coming up & it's bringing up memories