Suffered with depression for a long time mostly controlled by medication but this year has been really bad and the last few weeks I’ve gone down again. New medication but feel worse and therapy started but finding it hard to see the light. Don’t feel like I can talk to my parents anymore they’ve been so understanding but they worry a lot and it makes them stressed and why should I put that on them. Recently told closest friends a bit about it and they were great but maybe don’t understand how bad it is and now I feel I am pushing them away as I can’t involve myself in normal conversation but feel I can’t talk more about how I feel because they’ll think I’m a dull boring negative cow. The main thing keeping me from going completely is the guilt of hurting people if I did it, still think about it every day and this week it’s been dawning on me that maybe after the initial upset, people really would be better without me. I live with my parents so am trying to keep a strong front on as if I’m fine now and they think the therapy/meds are working, keeping the crying to bed and my car. I keep ignoring my friends messages because I just don’t know what to say. I know talking is important but it feels like once you tell people they think that’s helped you (which it does to an extent) then don’t seem to think you need to talk anymore.
I don’t know where to turn and I’m scared of how serious these thoughts are getting.
Sorry, I’m not even a mum but this was first mental health forum I came across and I am desperate