DS(14) thinks he might have depression

[chicaguapa]

DS told me last night he thinks he has depression. He's looked up the symptoms and says he ticks some of the boxes:

Doesn't enjoy the same things he used to
Has times when he feels sad
Has low self-esteem
Finds it hard to motivate himself to do anything
Not interested in school

I suggested he spoke to someone at Childline who might be able to help him figure out if these were normal feelings when you go through puberty or if they were signs that he could be depressed. He said he's texted Childline them before (not sure if this is about depression or not, I didn't pry) but agreed to phone them this time. Anyway, they suggested he looked at the message boards to see if anything resonated. He says they're all pretty extreme and about suicide, self-harming and he doesn't feel that bad.

I did google it and read that teenagers with depression suffer from anger rather than sadness and he says he doesn't feel angry, but that he feels agitated a lot. We've downloaded a mood tracker app onto his phone so we can see if these are normal ups and downs of being a teenager or not.

He has a good group of friends, so it's not about friendship issues. He's always had low esteem, though we thought this had improved lately, but he says it's worse. He's not on any social media (he's not interested) and his computer time is restricted through an app with enforced breaks and so he doesn't spend all day on it.

Any ideas of anything else we can do? It was a surprise to us as he didn't seem like he was going through anything, and he just seems like a normal 14 yo.

I think you should be proud that you have such a close bond that he is able to discuss this with you and ask for your help. Many parents of teenagers only find out when its so far developed that its really serious.

Unfortunately the state and funding for child mental health is shockingly bad. When we went through things with DD who was 17 at the time the help available if you were not self harming or had an eating disorder was zero. We eventually got telephone counselling which was helpful. Don't let that put you off seeing your GP (although personally I would avoid anti depressants but please don't take that as proper advise from some random on the internet)

The mood app is certainly a good starting point, can you also monitor what sort of things he's eating, drinking so you can track if there is any connection.

You can also try looking at other avenues like mindfulness, getting out for walks, I'm also one of those weirdo's who enjoys open air swimming which honestly always helps me, every time without fail, and there are quite a few trials where cold water swimming is linked to an improvement in mental and physical health.

Thank you. He was worried he'd upset me but I told him he hadn't and that he must never worry about that and let that stop him coming and talking to me. I did also say that he was very mature to do that and he should be proud.

Yes, I'm looking for more natural ways of dealing with this and hopefully can help him from within, if that's such a thing. His diet is really good with lots of rainbow food, and he has to 'earn' his sweet treats through exercise and he devised his own system to do this. He's not sporty but we have had a chat about how exercise of any description creates endorphins so he should try to force himself to do this.

Mindfulness is a good idea. I think I could do with more of that myself!

I would be a bit concerned about him earning goodies from exercise and an app supervising his online time. Confidence and self esteem comes from achieving even in small areas and taking responsibility for yourself is all part of this.
He sounds like a lovely boy who is open to sharing and chat which is great. But maybe take another step by giving him more freedom to self regulate. Doing that for himself will grow his confidence, l believe.

He is being very mature in that he is noticing the symptoms and seeking treatment before it gets to the point of being an emergency, you should be very proud of him, he is clearly a credit to you there.

I would be inclined to try and get him some counselling or CBT as that tends to work much better in the earlier stages of depression than medication and if he doesn't feel that bad yet then I would avoid anything messing with his brain chemicals unless you need to.

Thanks again! I'll look into some CBT counselling. Definitely want to stay off medication if we can.

Just to explain, DS instigated earning his treats as he wanted a way to motivate himself to do some exercise. He's had the computer timer for years and recently said he was glad he had it as he'd spend all day playing games otherwise. I have read that freedom to make decisions etc can improve self-esteem, so we do empower him to do this as much as possible.

His main problem is that he doesn't have any team-type interests so is often alone in his room playing his guitar, instead of joining in with something else with a group of people. I guess this makes him feel a bit down.