All in a pickle - anyone around?

[TheOrigBrave]

All the thinking!
Not sleeping well.
Don't know whether I've made wise choices regarding my medication.
Going round and round in circles with my eating and exercise.

I feel like calling my psychologist, but I know she will confirm that I know what I need to do, that's it my choice - so I can just tell myself that, can't I.

Has anything triggered the negative thoughts?
What do you usually find helpful to calm you?
If your psychologist has indicated they are open to crisis calls and you would like to talk to them then do so.

Thank you for writing Brim.

Nothing specific - just ongoing struggles.
I am rather overwhelmed with things atm which doesn't help.
I have had SO much support and am really trying to recover.

Exercise calms me. Having a productive day at works makes me feel good. Calling Samaritans helps.

I am not in crisis.

Can you prioritise the things are overwhelming you?
Maybe discuss the medication with the psychologist if that seems helpful?
Look at the priorities list and try to focus on one of two only?

Sorry it’s tough. That’s the nature of mental illness I think - the waves of it. Makes it hard not to feel like drowning at times even if you know things will ebb and flow

I've worked really hard. That feels good.

I will prioritise a couple of the non-work things I need to do this evening.
I'm a single parent with little down time, but I'm not alone in that.

I haven't eaten much.

BUT I have booked to see my older son at uni this weekend. Me and DS2 will go together. It's a bit of a trek and obv means not much will get done at home, but I get a wave of excitement thinking about spending time with both my boys, so it's the right thing.

Thank you for writing, small kindnesses mean a great deal.

Hey op,
It's tough but don't be too hard on yourself. It sounds like you have a lovely weekend planned. I bet your son is looking forward to seeing you and his brother.

I am hard on myself.

I completely lost it with DS2 last night. I'm so ashamed.

I shall go for a run later. It's cold but calm.

good idea, I had a very cold dog walk at 7am. lots of layers and no biting wind so it was nice.

I also had a cry which was needed whilst I was walking on my own.
My DD 15 has just started meds for her MH. its been a tough week. The side effects are so odd for her.

Another week has gone by. Up and down.

Taken the morning off work tomorrow to do my tax return and some travel expenses.

I was meant to re-start medication a few weeks ago. I haven't. I have review booked with GP next week and don't know if I should go. Feel like I'm just drawing attention to myself.

Absolutely you should go to your review appointment, why wouldn't you? Even if you decide not to restart your meds it is good to discuss why and what else you can do with your Gp.

Good luck with the tax return. I always do my DH's and its complicated.

Why wouldn't I?
Because I think he'll think I'm being awkward and there's nothing more he can do for me if I refuse to take the help they suggest.
I don't know if I'm thinking straight or if it's my MH leading me to make bad decisions.

Oh, this wasn't just any old tax return, this was a Hong Kong one (my employer is there). I also get to do a UK one. I'm so lucky! It's in the post!

Why aren’t you restarting your medication?
If it’s bwcause you don’t feel they helped then maybe go and discuss an alternative?

If it’s because you don’t want to take drugs and you wouldn’t consider an alternative then less point in going I guess.

If you aren’t in crisis as you said and are functioning ok then There may be little else the GP can suggest.

Do you have other professional support? What are the barriers to you getting better really?

Thanks for your post Brim

Your post really made me think.
I am not sure if they help - a bit maybe, but they also make me feel flat.
w/o them my moods are far more extreme, but they are mine. Thing is the low moods are very low and get in the way of my daily life. Me and my sons deserve better than that.

I've been on and off them for a while and do get side effects which unsettle me (especially the self-harm thoughts).

I see a psychologist weekly, an eating disorder nurse about every 2 weeks or so and am about to see a dietician.

Anyway, after much thought I have re-started the meds this morning. I am seeing the GP on Tuesday so I will have support if I am struggling with the 'feeling worse before you feel better' bit.

The barriers are that I use very unhealthy ways to cope with memories of 20 years of emotional abuse from my now-ex.

I have used food and over-exercise. At first I was in control and that felt OK (I knew it wasn't great, but it enabled me to carry on), but in time it slowly started to control me and become way more than dealing with the past.

hope you're okay OP

I have been on meds for years, tried coming off a couple of times, but it didn't end well. I have to accept being on them unless certain circumstances change, and even then, maybe not.

I've started a bit of a thing about trying meditation - just a few minutes a day - this is on top of medication - so I do understand how overwhelming things can get.

Could you try CBT to help with the negative thought patterns op?

I have learnt some CBT techniques and do try to put them in place.
I need to practice when I'm not feeling low because when I'm low I just want to isolate myself and find it hard to do any of the things which I know help me (contact friends, distract myself).

How are you today op?

Struggling.
I took the meds for one day and couldn't cope with the side effects so stopped. I feel pathetic for that.

I just want to go out and exercise and I bloody can't. Done nothing since Thursday and am going slowly bonkers. Snapping at DS2. Tired.
I just want 1/2hr to myself.

My dd started her meds last week, the side effects have been brutal at times but she is improving.
Big hug to you op.

Would DS2 go out for a walk with you?
I wonder if the medication side effects are worse as you aren’t eating?

It feels a bit like you are stumped with where to go next if you can’t take the meds and your mood isn’t great.
What is your next step?

We had planned to go cycling together, but then he didn't want to.
I have to tread carefully as his Dad used to make him cycle in all weathers for very long distances. He said he liked biking with me, but not the memory of cycling with his Dad.
I felt so utterly trapped. Called Samaritans and calmed down and the rest of the day has been OK.

I can take the meds, I've chosen not to. I've had suicidal thoughts during the settling-in period, and I just don't feel strong enough to cope with them right now. I have a months supply upstairs and will prob give them back to the surgery on Tuesday. I don't want them in the house.

I do need to eat, but feel it's the only thing I can really control. Intellectually I know how mucked up that is - but I guess that's the problem, I'm mucked up.