Do you think it's possible to be depressed and just going through the motions of life?
My DS is a teenager now and struggling with secondary school.
I go to work full time which is pretty much ok - often stressful with peaks of high workload. I attend the gym a few days a week but pretty half heartedly as years of exercise has somewhat improved fitness but largely has not even impacted on my weight. My bf lives with me and says whenever something gets me down I start blaming him or picking on things he should do to improve. If I go out to the gym, or spend time working or in the bath or watching a film I also feel guilty as my DS seems ever so needy, with homework, with eating, with sleeping, with choosing productive ways to spend his time.
I feel like there is little pleasure to be gained from most activities. I join up with other mums, I take DS out, I do enjoy reading a book or watching a film although I end up binge watching and I feel like this is some thing I used to disapprove of and so I don't feel like this is a good choice. I used to enjoy painting and I enjoy making things e.g. if DS has a crafts homework I really enjoy helping him with that! I enjoyed going to GoApe! As I suppose it gets the adrenaline going.
I try to socialise but I don't feel like I have good friends, I just do it as I know it will lift my mood somewhat. I sometimes get irritable, sometimes very angry. Screaming and shouting angry. I'm talking to i-cope but I don't know how they can help. I want to move to the countryside and buy a dog. I used to live in more rural surroundings as a child however I am sure that would be no guarantee of happiness plus I keep attending job interviews and seem stuck currently.
Does anyone have any advice? Is there any point in not enjoying your life? My son rarely sees me enjoying life and I feel guilty about that too!