NC'd as I have a lot going on which in combination is pretty outing.
- I was a single parent for several years. Then married again. Then exH drank himself to death messily over a couple of years, breaking our children's hearts along the way.
2)I have inherited his parents. They aren't bad people but both elderly, demanding and his DF is ex military and a shocking misogynist which I find difficult. I receive up to 15 texts/emais/calls each day from him because:
- the DC inherited some property fro their father which had been bought for him by his father as a way to keep himself busy when his DF apparently didn't notice that he was a hopeless alcoholic bent on self-destruction. Thus the properties are 99% DC, 1% exHDF.
- He is long retired and a fusser and a faffer and cabn't accept that he shouldn't be driving and certainly can't accept that he shodul not be doing electrical works on the properties (he is still technically accredited as an engineer).
- Meanwhile he is very worried about his DW. She is elderly and frail. I am worried about her and him as well: she is classically forgetful, short term memory very por. He forgets whole reams of conversation, coupled with the fact that if you are a woman he barely listens anyway.
- My eldest was recently diagnosed with Aspergers. Is also transgender. Another DC under bereavement counselling and can#t seem to get over her DFs death. Meanwhile her best frind is suffering from anxiety and self harming so lots for me to keep an eye on there.
- I am the primary earner for our home. I have a demanding career and work approx. 50 hour weeks though am able to work from home in the evenings so have a little flexibility some of the time.
- I make dinner every night unless I think to arrange someone else to do it in advance. If I ask for things to be done by teens or DH they will be, but I do all the planning, organising, seeing a job to be done, I carry the mental load.
- I was on sertraline for a year or so but took myself off because although I felt a bit better I wasn't actually getting anything done so the pile of responsibilities was growing.
- My own parents live far away and although we speak weekly I feel terrible that I'm not in a position to help them out.
- I am starting to begrudge DH and my DC for not helping enough. Example: I came home from a volunteering weekend away so tired I could hardly speak. If someone had put dinner in my hand I would have eaten anything. DH gave me a takeaway menu and said to choose. I burst into tears, not having the energy to even choose, and seemed an ungrateful cow.
- I am starting to hate myself. Incompetent, overloaded, incapable.
My job, my marriage, my DC and my home is a full time commitment for most people. Help me keep everything going. I am exhausted. The ADs made me feel better but I was doing a worse job of it than I am now.
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