Anxiety - did I close the window?

[AscotHat]

I started having panic attacks over 10 years ago and whilst I haven't had a bad one in years I am quite anxious nowadays.

At home I have to check the windows/doors/cooker etc a number of times before bed. Sometimes I actually go to bed and get back up again.

At work I worry about the same things.... turning the heater off, closing the window. I used to leave the office and then bam!, the thought would enter my head.... did I close/turn off. I can usually text a colleague to check. It got to the point where I would setup my phone so I could video myself closing the window. And I regularly take photos of appliances unplugged so that I can reassure myself.

Tonight tho, I got the thought 'did I close the window'. By this time tho the office was closed but I texted colleague to see if they'd noticed on their final check - they hadn't. Now I'm worrying that someones going to break in and it'll be my fault. Even tho theres a fence and gate around the building.

I'm absolutely past myself here and I'm going to be on edge all night.

This is the worst I've ever been. I don't know what to do.

Ok you need to calm down you are catastrophising the window makes no difference to the safety of the building and there is nothing you could do tonight anyway.

Welcome to my life

I'd take photos but I'd probably convince myself I'd taken them the day before somehow and have to double check

Sometimes I make a mark on my hand when I've checked everything (with a biro)

Oh OP, I couldn’t read and not comment. My heart goes out to you, I’ve neen there, and am still there on occasion and it’s all consuming.
Is there anything big going on in your life that might be worrying you without you realising? I tend to find that my ‘checking’ get way worse when I’ve got something going on that I think I’m coping with but I’m really not.

Re tonight, you absolutely did close the window. I can guarantee. I had some counselling for my anxiety and one of the things that I got from it is that things tend to stick in your mind when they’re out of the ordinary - so you can never remember closing things or turning them off, but if you don't do it it’s flagged up straight away. I’ve not explained it very well but I hope that makes sense. Once I got my head round that it completely changed things for me.
Practically speaking even if you had left it open, one more person after you failed to spot it on their last check so the blame doesn’t lie with you. Honestly though, I bet my house you did close it.
Long term have you spoken to anyone about this? I have meds for my anxiety and as I said above I also had counselling, could you explore that?
Stay strong, this is a horrible state of mind to be in but you can get through it.

The other times you thought you hadn't closed it, you had , right? Because you can trust yourself .

I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time. I would suggest gong to your GP and getting a referral for some CBT - specifically ERP as this sounds like OCD. The more you reassure yourself, and the more others reassure you the worse it will get. You have to be able to live with the uncertainty of leaving lights on, doors unlocked etc. Wishing you well x

I used to have this to a lesser degree, especially over locking the door/ turning off the iron etc. Once I ran home from work on my lunch break to check the iron was off. I started saying it out loud every time I did something like "I am turning off the iron now. The iron is off". And then later I could remember myself saying that, even if I couldn't remember doing it. It worked well as a short term solution, like you're videoing closing the window, but in the end it was just one small piece of a much bigger picture which amounted to quite serious depression and anxiety. I didn't even really recognise it as odd behaviour at the time. When I started taking sertraline I was expecting to see my mood improve but was more astonished by how much my anxiety reduced. Despite having frequent panic attacks by that point I really hadn't realised how much anxiety I was actually living with, I thought I was just an "edgy", intense, highly strung kind of person. Anyway, like pp said, I'm sure you closed the window, and even if you didn't (you did!) nothing bad will come of it. But please look into getting some help because this is no way to live

Ok so I’m going to sound harsh but you’ve just got to stop this and there’s only you that can do it. Check everything the once as you leave anywhere or go to bed, tell yourself you’ve done it and then that’s it. If you doubt yourself you know you’ve checked. If you don’t stop this it will just get worse and worse and effect your whole life.
(It sounds like it already is doing)
For tonight’s worry - your office is well protected - even if you have left the window open (which you haven’t) it will be fine.
Even if the office does get broken into - who cares? it’s just one of those things, not worth you ruining your life crippling yourself with anxiety for.

Also agree with pp with getting help, go to gp this is a problem as it’s starting to really effect your day to day living.

I really agree go see somebody about this see what it is doing to you

Sorry to hear you are feeling so anxious. It sounds like CBT would be beneficial for you at this point. What have you tried to ma age your anxiety previously?

Thanks everyone.

I've always just thought of the constant checking as more of a quirk and I'm ok with it. Until I start involving other people and then I feel a bit crazy.

I don't know if it's triggered by something in particular but I am a constant worrier. I'll worry obsessively about something, then 'resolve' it and then bam! I start worrying about something else. Something I've said, something I've done. It's a vicious circle.