I just can't cope any more

[GirlfriendInAKorma]

I'm a mum to 2 Dds (5 and 2), work full time, married to DH who works full time. (I earn most of the money. He used to be part time but is now full time and won't reduce his hours).
I have done all the things that people say I should (got a cleaner, eat well, go to bed on time most of the time, exercise..) but I still feel fucking awful.
I just feel like I can't keep up with everything (kids stuff, home stuff, work stuff, friends) and just constantly feel a bit miserable, tired, like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I have much less confidence and resilience than I used to and I don't really know why. I find it very hard to just switch off and enjoy myself. I had visitors over today and I just wanted them to go home. I'm an introvert naturally and I just find all of this is way too much for me.
My marriage is happy, my DDs are great.
It's just me - I just feel like my head is going to explode all the time. I feel like I never fucking stop,
I went on the pill a few months ago and I think that made me feel even worse so I came off it. On balance I think it made me feel better, but I still have periods of feeling awful.

How the fuck do people manage to have a successful career and home life? I am really shit at it and I'm starting to feel like I can't cope any more.

No expert advice, just sympathy. I started suffering from intense anxiety a few months ago, just felt overwhelmed with everything. I had dreadful insomnia as the main symptom. I am now on Sertraline and am lined up to have CBT therapy through the NHS. I feel noticeably better, not great yet, but definitely better.
Go to your GP and be completely honest about how you feel.

You sound burnt out and perhaps need to schedule a hour of nothing .... as time is an issue perhaps just once swap a gym session for a nap 😴 see if hubby can take kids out for an hour? X x

Can't help except to say it gets better as they get older. One thing many of my friends did was to rearrange their work week to over 4 days by working through lunch and adding an hour - or could you go to a 32 hour week? That day at home can really help.

I know that feeling of being on a train unable to get off and the world (time) is passing me by, make time for yourself and reduce the expectations you have on yourself. Take any help you are offered and try and get away as a couple, even for just a night, once every year or so. Best wishes

Thank you all so much for replying.

I think I'm going to ask my boss about reducing my hours a little bit from January so that I can compress the rest over 4 days and get a day off a week. I've managed being a full time working mum for nearly 6 years but for some reason now, I just feel like it's a huge battle to even survive it and I don't want to live my life like this any more.

I've had lots of therapy in the past about previous issues (stuff to go with my parents) and it was really helpful back then. I do keep wondering if I could get back into that.

I'm a bit scared about getting prescribed anything - it's the unknown - what if it makes me feel worse / what if it makes me a different person / how do you then stop taking it...

Thanks again for all of your lovely comments. It's funny isn't it - that sometimes there's no one big thing wrong. Just a culmination of everything.

Yes, I think full time working mums are basically trying to cram two lives into one existence! It’s no wonder we get burnt out.
Good idea about speaking to your boss.
The Sertraline has just ‘blunted’ my anxiety: it’s still there but manageable.

Been there done that and working parents do struggle to get free time and the stress is relentless.I am an introvert so my rule was very few people of any to come to the house.That way we could truly relax in our own home and not be on our best behaviour on top of work and school stuff.Hope this helps.

Yeah I have had some
Really busy weekends lately and I can't cope with it. Good idea to limit the amount of social / people-y stuff at weekends so I can relax. Sometimes it's hard when you have family laying it on thick saying they haven't seen you / haven't seen the kids etc.

A lot of women who I work with have continued their careers (getting promotions etc.) after having kids and I think this makes me feel like I should want to / be able to do the same thing.... but in my heart I know my kids are the most important thing to me and I can go after the career stuff when they are a bit older. (I'm not really junior or really senior - I'm somewhere in the middle.).
I know I need to stop comparing myself to other people - it's not a way to be happy!

The thought of having a day off a week sounds absolutely AMAZING - so I think I have probably found my answer for now...

Oh it's dreadful.

I was in a similar position, it got worse. I started taking Sertraline and it's wonderful.