I have suffered from depression and anxiety in the past. I've never been on medication but did get signed off work for a while and was referred to counselling. I knew I was depressed then. I felt terrible. I felt so heavy and everything was too much effort. I felt ill and that there was no hope. I worked stupidly hard and I burned out and everything came crashing down. It was a long time ago and when I came through it I told myself I never wanted to feel that way again and as hard times came and went I never did get quite so low.
Now I don't feel like I did then but I have no motivation. I sleep a lot. I eat a lot. I am in a terrible financial situation and I am not currently working. I've had some bad experiences in work which make me glad I'm not working on one hand. I've also had some disappointments when work I was offered has been cancelled. But I need to work and mainly I do nothing about it. Almost no one knows these are my circumstances. I have ongoing problems with my abusive ex. On the other hand I have lots of time with my DC and that does make me happy. That's why I'm not sure if I'm depressed.
At the moment I waste days doing nothing, speaking to no one between dropping DC at school and picking them up again. On weekends when DC are with ex I don't leave the house or speak to anyone. My house looks like something from a programme about hoarders.
I should feel anxious about my situation but I don't and because I don't care I'm doing nothing to improve it. I should care for DC's sake but I just keep myself in a little bubble with my head in the sand.
I don't know if I am just incredibly lazy.
Regular poster btw. NC because I am ashamed.