I'm generally quite an anxious, perfectionist and people-pleasing person which may link to my question:
I always notice that during any conflict e.g. disagreement in opinion between me and another person whether it be a relative, housemate or a colleague, etc. always causes me to get worked up (really shaky, upset, can feel myself blushing, eyes get teary and voice getting shaky) along with my tone of voice becoming almost aggressive, talking more quickly, louder and a greater amount (to defend my point), which makes me feel so unattractive, unprofessional and stupid.
I'm usually a very diplomatic person who'd never be horrible to anyone who's been kind to me and always want equality (any inequality e.g. age, gender, race, sexuality often offends me greatly, even if not aimed at me).. I think the reason why I get so upset is that I'd never behave unfairly towards others (I've been told I'm too nice) so realizing other humans can be so unreasonable always feels so disappointing to me and the worry of potentially losing the argument makes it almost feel like the end of the world, especially triggered if e.g. a colleague openly disagrees with me in front of others in a meeting, which makes me feel incompetent, so I work myself into a right state. By the way, 9/10 times, when further discussing it, they always realize I'm right and/or they hadn't understood properly what I meant initially, hence their disagreement.
I'm not very confident and often think I know less than I do know so it's not even a case of me being arrogant but when I feel sure that I'm right - that's the only time I'd pluck up the courage to communicate an idea e.g. mention it at the meeting and if it gets shot down, I get teary and even start thinking they've only shot down the idea because it was me and I'm an easy target etc.
I envy those people who can remain very calm, talk slowly, calmly and not blush/get teary and continue to be diplomatic/professional as if it's water of a duck's back..
Any tips for changing? :( I know it won't be easy.