My DD is 2 weeks old now and I've been really struggling with how I feel.
I found her birth quite traumatic as it was very very quick. All the Midwife's seemed to praise me for this and made lots of jokes about how I was the model mum to labour. But in my mind it had been a really scary and traumatic time.
Since we have been home I've had barely any sleep. She's a terrible sleeper and will only sleep on me or my OH.
We are taking it in shifts at the moment so we can try to sleep. In theory this should be lovely as it allows me to get a good 4 hours sleep but I hate it.
I dread the evenings as I hate going to bed alone. I feel as though my whole life has been ruined. I never see my OH, we can't really do anything in the day as one of us is always asleep.
I do have moments of happiness and normality as I've made a point of making sure we get out every day so we don't go stir crazy.
I just feel as though I'm in a bubble of sadness all the time. I constantly think back to my life before she was born, where we would have tea together in the evenings, go to bed together and have the day time to spend as a family.
I also have my DS who is 7 and I'm barely able to spend any time with him.
I'm just completely overwhelmed with how I'm feeling. I cry all the time, especially in the evenings. I have moments of "what the hell have I done to my life?!" Which i hate because my daughter was really wanted.
My health visitor care round today for the first time and briefly spoke about PND but followed it up with "but you seem fine and relaxed".
I tried to say to her that actually I've been feeling really low and emotional. I even told her that my life feels like a bubble of sadness but she brushed it off and said she would check in with me again at my 6 week check. She mentioned the baby blues? But I'm starting to think it could be more.
I don't want to wait 6 weeks as it seems hard enough to get through each day at the moment.
What should I do? Speak to my GP?
Or is this completely normal and she was right and it is baby blues or sleep deprivation?
I just really want to go back to enjoying my life and feeling some sort of "normal" again.
Sorry for the really long post x