Hi everyone. I have posted in here as i feel this is a mental health issue but please move to the right place if it's not right here.
I grew up in an abusive family but the one thing i wanted to do well is be a good mum. I love my dd and have devoted my time to her.
Problem i am having is my sister in law (husband's brother's wife) is really competitive, will go out of her way to put me down, make me look stupid in front of people. I am a really non competitive person but i have been feeling so anxious and insecure around her.
It all started when our ds's were born. I was living in a world of my own as my ds had so many issues with development etc but my in laws would always compare my ds to his cousin (her ds) who was born at a similar time. Her son is clearly very bright whereas mine struggles alot. I work hard with my ds in terms of academics and activities but more for his sake rather than for others if that makes sense.
Recently his cousin has moved to the same school as my ds and i was devastated. Devastated because i know she will boast about howngreat her ds is. Her ds has joined the same clubs as my ds and i hate this as i feel it's a great way of her getting one up over me! I don't feel this way about any other parent. Most parents i know are so modest whereas she is so 'aggressive'. My ds and her hs both were on a school team (i was relieved when ds made the team only because of her!) but i told my ds that it's about the taking part and not the winning and that i am proud of him for putting himself out there. I genuinely believe this but then there is this other side of me that feels like crap that she will be watching him and feeling smug at how her ds is 'better'. My ds is lovely and i would not want my ds to be any different but something happens where i worry about what she thinks.
Both her ds and my ds came out of the competition, her ds was shouting out how he won all his matches so i congratulated him and sis in law loudly asked my ds "if he'd won" i felt so angry that she would ask ds before me, all i asked my ds was how he was rather than whether he won or not. My ds won and i was very glad aboit this only because it shut her up, if she wasn't there i would've not cared either way. If my son didn't win i would've dealt with that sensitively rather than ask him if hed won or not, as if that's what it's all about.
My anxiety is through the roof this eve and she is my only real trigger. I don't know what to do, she is ruining my experience of ds primary years or just experience of parenting in general. Before her ds moved to my ds's school, i kept my distance for a reason but now i have to deal with her and every event fills me with dread as i know how she will be comparing her amazing ds. She also puts down my career so i know there's some issue she has with me. She has kids, career and house i don't think she is jealous of me i think she's just not very nice. I almost left my dh as i couldn't cope with his family's toxic ways but then i distanced myself and life was great until now.
Like i said my mental health is fragile and a 'normal' person might be able to shrug this off but for me i feel insecure, like i've done a 'bad' job with my ds as he isn't anywhere near clever as hers. Whilst i was never competitive i feel i am constantly on the defensive having to prove my ds is amazing too. He is amazing and i feel like my ds will suffer for constantly living in ds's shadow now. I try my best to fill him with confidence but it really crushes me when she does this competitive thing. Her and me are total polar opposites, she is such a fake person but i'm so open and honest, self deprecating but i've learnt not to do that with her as she would revel in it. i connect with most people but cannot for the life of me gel with her and her constant put downs etc are ruining my health.
I don't know why i'm posting i guess i can't talk to anyone irl as it seems so pathetic and trivial which is why i feel i need some sort of help. Ideally i want to be able to not care what she says and have her words wash over me. Would CBT help? X
Thanks for listening to my waffle and please be kind x