To think I should be admitted to a mother and baby unit

[tyrl]

I'm suffering with postnatal depression and have been given medication by my GP who was very unhelpful. I've started suffering from hallucinations since yesterday, mood swings and feeling like myself, those around me and everything around me isn't real. Like I'm in a dream.

My depression has gotten really bad, I'm suicidal and at times don't feel like I can keep myself safe. I feel completely out of control at many points throughout the day.

I expressed this to my GP and all he did was prescribe medication and I have an appointment with the perinatal mental health team in two weeks. I can't wait that long. I feel like I'd benefit from inpatient treatment. Or am I not "bad" enough?

Unfortunately to get help you really have to stamp your feet and demand it :( with all the strength u have left please get yourself to A&E; your baby needs a strong mummy, it’s hard but worth it. I suffered PND a lot longer than I needed to, it took a lot of my energy to get help but I’m so glad I did and now I have my life back!! I didn’t get admitted or anything so can’t comment on that side of things, please go and get the help u deserve, sending hugs x

tyrl Everyone has such different experiences - how you’re feeling is what matters. I’ve sent you a PM. Please take care x

I like my baby mostly. I wouldn't say that I love him, maybe I do a bit but I'm not in love with him. I'll have short hour long or so phases where I wish I never had him and feel like I don't want to look after him anymore but on the most part I like him. I just don't feel that much towards him, I like babies in general and can see that he's cute

Op call 111and find out who your local mental health crisis team is and call them. There should be a 24/7 service and are in a place to advise and support you. Don’t wait until tomorrow do it tonight. The sooner you contact them the sooner they can work with you

tryl I don't know how you find the crisis team, but definitely do that, your GP is very unlikely to be an expert in post-partum mental health and maybe you do need more help than you are getting. Do you have a health visitor who you could talk to about speeding up help as well? Perhaps you could leave them a message to call you back immediately on their answerphone and stress it's a mental health crisis?

I would not wait to try and see the GP especially if they are just making reassuring noises- this is something that needs urgent action.

I felt like and not love early on too, I think this is common.

My friend had post natal psychosis, she spent some time in a mother and baby unit and recovered quickly. There is help out there.

Have you tried contacting the post natal ward at the hospital where you had baby? My understanding is that they are responsible for you for 14 days (possibly longer) post birth. I returned there on day 12 with terrible headaches which turned out to be pre eclampsia. Call the ward and tell them about the hallucinations, depression and the not feeling real. Tell them everything.

I hope you are able to access some support quickly.

I definitely didn't love my baby straight away, I was far too anxious to and I was desperate for someone else to take him and look after him. I really hope you find the help you need, there will be people who want to support you, please don't be put off by the gp, there will be people who know a lot more about this. Keep posting. You are very brave! We're all rooting for you!!

tryl not sure how old your baby is but perinatal team can help not only with your MH but also relationship with your baby too. It might well be that once your depression is properly treated everything starts to fall into place. Try to get some sleep tonight and see a different GP tomorrow if you can. There’s always someone up at night on mumsnet to chat too if things feel dark and hopeless. Well done for getting to GP in first place- just need to speed up the process now.

You should be able to self refer to the perinatal mental health team in your area or access MH help through IAPT. Google either for your area and you should find some numbers. If you continue to hallucinate or can’t keep yourself safe please ring 999 or go to A&E. I’d ask to see a different GP too, you need someone who’s more willing to take you seriously. Also explain that whilst you live with your mum she’s unable to provide support at the moment. Look after yourself

I'm embarrassed to admit this but I became really angry at my baby all of a sudden and really had to force myself not to hit him. I've NEVER felt like this before and my mum has him in another room and I'm staying away from him and she is calling crisis as I type this. They won't admit me to a unit with my baby if I have wanted to hurt him will they? Because I am obviously not good for him. I feel like a failure I hate having to lean on other people

I hope one of you are awake because I feel really scared now I can't believe I feel this was towards him. I feel so angry still I've never felt angry at him before. He's a baby. I can't believe it.

Please be honest. Will we be separated?

No-one can answer that question for you over the internet OP

Where are you now? Where is your baby?

Please go to A and E

I am in my bedroom. My baby is safe with my mum who is on the phone to crisis. I don't have any friends I can speak to so this is my only support right now I'm sorry

Are you and baby safe OP? Please get some help.....there’s always someone ready to listen, it’s best for you both - sending you big hugs xx

Well done OP, keep safe and try to stay calm, things will get better believe me

The important thing is that you get help. You are in crisis just now but it will pass.

You are being very brave.

The important thing is that you are getting help. Well done @tyrl for seeking help, hope
The crisis team are able to give you the support you need x

Have a look on your local nhs trust website for any crisis support services (some are telephone support services that may still be open) they can signpost you to relevant services or escalate your referral to try and get you seen quicker.
Mother and baby beds are very limited in this country so it is often a bit more complicated than being able to get a bed straight away. Hopefully you live within an area with a well resources perinatal team, they may also be able to provide some sort of home support if inpatient etc isn’t possible at this time.

Did you post yesterday and the thread got deleted ?

OP you are so brave.

It is best for mum and baby to be together for the most part so most places will try to accommodate this safely if it's in everyone's best interests. I hope you are taken seriously and get the appropriate care you need. Take care x

I hope your DM had gotten you some help 

If you genuinely feel you can’t keep yourself or the baby safe, go to a&e as others have said. Unless the crisis team are coming? You said earlier you felt able to keep safe - if doctors and mental health professionals sense that you can in any small way rationalise your behaviour or keep yourself safe even temporarily they will deem you lower risk. I have no experience of mother and baby units but have come close to inpatient admission, however was told it was something they like to avoid at all costs if possible. Sorry to be graphic but my impression is that unless you’re displaying incredibly extreme behaviours eg harming yourself or someone else in front of the doctors they won’t admit you. Can you afford private care?

If you don’t feel safe go to a&e or ring 999.

If you feel safe either ring 111, or the hospital you gave birth at postnatal ward, they will be able to refer you to perinatal mental health team. You can ring them now.

If you’re still under your midwife and having visits you could also contact them, but tbh you sound like you need to go to a&e at the very least.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/post-partum-psychosis/

@tyrl did the crisis team come? This is not your fault in any way xx