Therapist thinks I'm a (covert) narcissist - what should I do?

[BirthdayCakes]

I'm really upset! I don't think I am a narcissist but it's really hard to refute.. it seems like anything I say can sound narcissistic and now I feel a bit paranoid..

The key is that i DO feel empathy - but not sure how to prove it! If I say I feel like I am very sensitive to other people's feelings then that's apparently another narc trait.. if i don't act on my empathetic feelings then that's cold and narcissistic, if i do act then i'm only doing it for myself or to manipulate the other person into liking me - because that's what i want.. it just goes on and on like that..

Also, from reading stuff online, it's pretty much incurable and I shouldn't be allowed near other human beings.. most articles are about 'how to spot one' and if I google treatment or recovery it's mostly about people getting treatment or recovering from being around a narcissist.

what should i do? I'm really feeling upset (all about me!)

I hope you’re not paying this charlatan, OP.

Seriously!!!!

Change therapist. He made a judgement about you and put you through hell, then changes his mind the next session. I think he is more narcissistic than you.

Seriously. Bin him off. Look at he BACP website to find someone more suited to your needs.

Get rid.

OP, I had a therapist like this and it was awful. Her reasoning seemed to be that my father was a narcissist so I was doomed to be one too, for life, no matter how I tried to conceal it by caring about other people's feelings or being kind (which was in itself passive aggressive or aggressively self-martyring or whatever). Every single thing I said she could twist so that either I was in pathological denial about my normal, healthy aggression (which suggested I was secretly simmering with narcissistic rage) or, when I admitted I was reasonably angry about something, her eyes would light up and she would say, 'see, you have incredible amounts of aggression.' It was so hard, and made me feel totally shite about myself. I found another therapist who was able to be kind and common sensical while challenging in appropriate ways. I made much more progress with someone who didn't radiate with obvious dislike of me.

The new therapist was actually able to make some of the same sorts of observations the old therapist did, but in constructive and non-goady ways. I realised I did have some covert narcissistic patterns, but when someone talked me through it I got it and could change hem. This is not the right therapist for you. Get rid. Good luck!

@BirthdayCakes sounds more like you had narcissistic parents and migtbhave low self esteem...

We are all made up of lots of different traits and if you look hard enough we could all be ’guilty’ of being narcissistic. When we are sad or depressed it is normal to think or talk about ones self excessively as that’s often how we figure out how to get better.
Don’t be afraid to change therapists; it sometimes takes a few tries to find the right one for you. You need to feel free and be able to talk openly without feeling judged. Good luck.

Are you my MIL OP? X

You are the same person you were before and after his armchair diagnoses
He seems to be fostering a dependance and it doesn't feel healthy. You shouldn't be trying to seek his approval
I think you need to quit with him and find a better therapist

Dependence

More seriously, anyone can set themselves up as a "therapist" after a fairly small amount of training. I would change therapist OP

Interesting the number of people who feel they have enough information to tell the OP what to do. Therapy isn’t always straight forward, even the most highly qualified make mistakes. We’ve only had one side of the story and the OP has updated to say she’s managed to talk this through with the therapist and gain a better understanding. Being able to say to a therapist that something didn’t feel right and for them both to work through that can be hugely healing. Ending therapy without working through a difficult spot can actually be a repeat of past patterns and can be damaging.

This therapist has heard what the OP said - been willing to listen, to clarify and agree not to use that term if the OP finds it unhelpful. That doesn’t sound like a charlatan to me.

Making a diagnosis of NPD then changing his mind is a pretty good indicator of his crapness as a therapist. He clearly doesn't understand his role and I doubt he is qualified to make such a diagnosis

It does sometimes feel a bit like therapists come on threads to covertly defend their profession against criticism. I wonder what Alice Miller would make of that.

Sounds like a load of over-theoretical bollocks to me OP. Like your therapist doesn't know how to actually do therapy and has blurted out a nonsense quack idea without considering how it would make you feel. Is he very experienced?

How do you know he even made a diagnosis? The OP never said the therapist “diagnosed” nor did she use the term “Narcissitic Personality Disorder”.

Reenchantment - there are plenty of criticisms to be made of counselling/psychotherapy. It helps to have the full facts in those situations. Harsh judgements based on snippets of information, telling the OP she should leave based on very little (and potentially a misunderstanding) is a different matter IMO.

I based my first response on the distress OP was clearly displaying in her original post. And I stand by that response, even if it does sound harsh to some. It's important to be careful not to implicitly question someone's legitimate distress by attempting to defend bad practice. OP clearly felt extremely anxious over the way her Counsellor had delivered his professional opinion - neglectfully, causing harm.

At the very least he seems unprofessional. Please look round and find a qualified phycotherapist - one you jell with and you leave feeling enlightened, not anxious.

AIUI, a person with NPD would be highly unlikely to seek therapy at all.
It sounds a bit 'false memory syndrome' he has planted a seed and now you are worrying, second guessing and this is more income for him and years of therapy unpicking the confusion and anxiety HE has caused.
But please, don't ruin your future by not leaving this therapist as you feel you would prove him right. He sounds an extremely poor therapist and there are such good ones out there....