I'm 6 months pregnant at the moment. High risk pregnancy, lots of stress, various complications due to underlying medical condition - it's been a bit shit. I have had some definite ups and downs and seem to go through phases where for a week or so I will feel fine and can cope with everything and others where I really struggle and just can't stop crying. Whichever phase I'm in though it doesn't take much to tip me over into a crying mess. I feel hopeless and like everything is doomed to go wrong. I can't let myself think that the pregnancy will be successful in case it's not. I'm also terrified that something will happen to the baby and it will be my fault that I haven't noticed any problems in time.
I spoke to my GP who thinks it's hormones but has offered to refer me for talking therapy if I want it although she admitted that by the time I was referred and got an appointment I would probably have had the baby. She also offered me anti anxiety medication if I wanted but said it did come with some risks that i would have to be aware of.
However I didn't tell her that before I was pregnant I thought I might be suffering from mild depression already. I haven't spoken to anyone about it. On the surface I am very good at coming across like I have everything together, even to my DH. But I struggle to motivate myself to do anything. I appear ok at work but I often have stretches where I just can't focus or begin a task even when it's one I want to do. I have disengaged quite a lot from my friends, and often don't reply to them when they contact me but for no real reason, I'm on my phone all the time so I should just text them back but I don't and I'm not sure why. I have lost all motivation to do anything other than just come home after work and eat shit food and watch shit TV and then go to bed and read shit on my phone and then repeat the cycle the next day. My DH has a busy job and is very occupied with his hobbies so I think he just hasn't noticed. Also it has happened gradually rather than suddenly. I used to socialise a lot and have a lot of friends and now I only have a couple of people who I'm in any sort of regular-ish contact with. I also have to really force myself to do any sort of self care like showering which sounds awful and I'm a bit ashamed to admit, I do still wash but that's only because I really do force myself if that makes sense. It seems like so much effort to do anything. Since my medical condition was diagnosed I have developed a lot of anxiety around my health and this can be exhausting.
I can't work out whether this is something real that I need to address or if I just need to sort myself out a bit. The pregnancy has complicated things and I no longer know whether what I feel is normal or not. I'm not sure what to do now. I don't know what I'm looking for here, maybe advice or just a hand hold. Thank you for reading, sorry it's so long.