I want to hurt myself

[Bugsareinthebrook]

I have felt so low over the last few weeks.
For about three/four weeks I have had a reoccurring thought to slash my wrists. It's not that I want to die but I want to hurt myself because I hate myself and this is the thought that just appears in my head.
I'm finding it pretty upsetting and I don't know what to do.
I have been struggling massively
My mum died in JAnuary
I have arthritis in my back
I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism (under active thyroid) in June and have felt like I have been run over by a bus.
I have a very poor relationship with my dad - he is a narcissist and since mum died I just don't want to talk to him yet I am seriously struggling with the guilt I feel by not calling him. He does not call me and is not interested in my life or ill health yet makes me fell guilty- I haven't Calle do him for 6 weeks and it was 3 months the last time a called him before then.
I also have just put in a grievance at work due to bullying, making me work two jobs and other matters
My husband is very stressed at work at the moment and is staying away from home a lot - I can't talk to him as I'm afraid I will worry him.
I have a history of anxiety and obviously this isn't helped by hypothyroidism as that is one of the symptoms.

Please help

You should make an emergency appointment with you GP this morning and tell them how you feel.

I used to feel like self harming a lot but I didn't actually do it much. Mainly it was just a horrible feeling that was to do with periods of self hatred.

The GP would definitely be a good start as they could point you in the direction of counselling and or therapy.

Also the book CBT for Dummies is helpful as it can help you change the way you think.

I am at work at the moment and feel crap . I haven’t called the doctor yet but I know that I need to . I don’t think I will actually do anything but the thoughts are awful and just keep coming into my head. We have an employee assistance programme at work that I can call again I have had the number for a few weeks but just haven’t done it. I just need to act

Can you take baby steps? If you do one thing today call the GP. If you do that today has been a success. Once that is done you can worry about your next goal.

I second taking baby steps, one small goal at a time.
Have you heard of IAPT? You can self refer, it offers CBT, stress control management courses etc. It sounds like it would be helpful for you.

I did self refer through IAPT and then didn’t get back in touch with them. Classic really - in denial . I have been trying to do something for about two weeks and talk myself out of it. I can’t even talk to my husband - I’m so scared and ashamed

Don’t be ashamed. Wishing to self harm is usually because you’re overwhelmed, like your brain is a pressure cooker and you need a release.

Have your tried writing out all your feelings and frustrations? I find that helps.

No I haven’t tried writing it down. I haven’t called the doctor yet as o have been working but I will . I have calmed down a little since this morning but i know I need to do something

You can call 111 tonight if you feel distressed. Or the Samaritans are good in a crisis?

I am hoping that I can call the doctor tomorrow. I am trying to keep working as I am scared of loosing my job if I take time off. I have meetings in the morning so will try to call. I feel very tired due to the hypothyroidism and am trying to rest- I have had a good cry so feel a bit calmer. If I can get call the doctor I will try to call the employee assistance and get counselling. I think CBT is what I need . Wish my hubby was home but he is away working.
Thank you for listening x

Can you speak to your hubby on the phone?

If possible try and comfort yourself, maybe with a hot bath or some chocolate or a funny film.