Does this sound like depression or normal

[Junippers]

Hi

I don’t feel like I used to any more, is it possible to feel like this and not be depressed?

I did my degree in psychology and mental health disorders yet I can’t seem to “pigeonhole” what I’m feeling into something easy to explain.

I feel flat, constantly. I don’t get happy, sad, I don’t look forward to stuff but I do feel massive amounts of love for my children. I also feel anxiety a lot. Mostly about health stuff and the kids.

Most things seem too much effort to do. I used to have hobbies - teaching myself complicated languages, cooking, gymnastics, making things. To be frank I can’t be arsed with it all anymore . Even measuring fabric seems like effort.

My partner & I are on the rocks at the moment and apart from desperately wanting the children to be unaware no matter what the outcome, I’m finding it hard to care either way about us as a couple.

Feeling a lot of self hatred too, and I’m getting angry easily and (apparently) over-reacting to things although it doesn’t seem like it.

I’ve never ever felt suicidal though, and I guess I’ve always thought unless I felt like that I can’t be depressed but surely it’s not normal to feel like I do (or not feel ....)

I’m sleeping ok, eating ok.

Any insights welcomed .... I’ve been the doctor 3 times asking to be put on something just to see if it helps but they won’t because I have a heart condition. And most anti- D’s are contraindicated with heart conditions. I’m having to see a cardiologist just to get the go ahead to be prescribed something , but I don’t even know if this is depression so it could be pointless.

I’ve been trying to help myself - eating healthily, exercising etc, but the things that used to bring me joy just aren’t now.

Have you had the thought "there's more to life than this?"

Is it age-related, maybe? Men go through a mid life crisis at 40ish, women can get peri-menopausal. (Sorry if I'm assuming your age!) Would HRT help, do you think? I never took it myself, but some women seem to benefit. Hope you feel better soon.

Hi

Yes I have that thought a lot, not that there’s more to life than my kids I don’t mean that, but there’s a lot I want to do but it feels impossible

I’m 31 so I don’t think it’s age related.

Only 31??? The same age as my ddil! Just a baby! She adores her DC as well, but for a short while you're not free to go out and conquer the world. This stage won't last forever. You've all your life in front of you!

Thanks for your reply. My eldest is 4 though and I didn’t feel like this until recently so I don’t know. That’s the problem I just don’t know how I feel at all. Anyway maybe ot eventually help if I try some medication.

Do you feel as though you are losing your individuality? Kids are important and the role of mum, partner is part of the life you choose. But it is only PART of life, it isn't the whole of life.
Do you think you need to make time for yourself? To indulge in the things you like to do?
Rather than meds, how about some MCBT?

It’s sounds more like life problems than depression as such, sounds like you have a lot of stress from your partner situation and your health situation.

When I’m unwell usually eating/sleep/concentration/ability to care for children are all impacted. Have you thought about counselling?

It definitely sounds like depression to me. Mine usually starts with the flat feeling and things that usually give me joy just doing nothing for me. I actually experience a fiercer love and protectiveness towards my children when I'm coming down with a depression, and it gets snarled up with my anxiety about not blighting their childhood with a "depressed mother" and then I feel guilt and self-loathing as well.

What are your first, fleeting thoughts when you wake up in the morning? I find trying to "catch" those tells me a lot about what' really going on in my mind.