Too ill to cope, too well to get help

[blooddiamond]

I've had poor mental health for around 10 years, suffering with depression and extreme anxiety and ocd tendencies. I received basic help from camhs as a teenager but as an adult have only been able to access the most basic counselling and when that didn't work I was discharged from the service with no plan of action.
I feel like I am in an awkward grey area where although everyday functioning is extremely difficult I am mostly expected to just get on with it, and when I struggle eg to keep up with laundry or work it is often brushed off as a personal failing rather than a symptom of an illness. Despite multiple a&e admissions in the last year I am not really being offered any other nhs care other than suggestions to see my gp.
It just feels like an awkward inbetween with no clear way forward. To be clear my issues have been professionally judged as moderate to severe, but there just doesn't seem to be capacity for me to have any help, and without this it is also difficult to help friends and family etc understand the severity of the situation and the difficulty I experience just trying to cope day to day.
Does anyone else feel like there is a gap in mental health care provision? There appears to be a gulf between low level treatment eg counselling for simple things and more extreme action eg being sectioned and not a lot in the middle at all.

that sounds so difficult

I really have no advice, but will bump this.
Maybe just keep going back to your GP? - there must be something available.

Thank you,
All I am ever offered is a to self refer again to the local counselling service who have previously stated they don't really have anything to offer someone in my circumstances.
It feels so frustrating, every time at a&e after a period of crisis I am advised to go to gp where I hear the same message over and over again.

Can you afford private counselling? Look at the BACP website.
How about talking to MIND to see if they can help?
Is there any groups in your area that you could join? Like Mindful meditation or TM.
What about self help books/videos.

I'm trying to save up but private help just isn't affordable right now. Self help with books and whatnot a good suggestion though, even just doing the research can sometimes feel like a positive step forwards.
Thank you noego
I guess I'm just curious whether other people have noticed this gap in mid level mental health provision by the NHS?

Yes there is a gap and I really feel for you. I was in a similar situation and thankfully I have private health care through my husbands employer that paid for CBT for me. It has changed my life.

I would look at a private counsellor. A session for an hour runs at about £80-150 but you can have them as often or as little as you want.

If that is still too much - definitely look into self help books and memoirs. I found Bryony Gordon's books really good. Also mindfulness. Be open to it. Good luck.

Yes there is definitely a gap - DH falls into it with his anxiety. GP practice counselling service are not experienced enough to help, Comminity Mental Health team say he's not ill enough for them.

If you have had multiple A&E attendances for MH reasons (did you tell them that was why?) I would say you need to be under the care of the MH team. I would suggest calling the Single Point of Access if you have one in your area, I think most places do now. Explain about the A&E visits, how unwell you are feeling and that you feel you need more support. They should be able to set up an assessment with the mental health team for you

Private therapy is really not in my budget at all. I don't have a highly paid job and no other ways of coming up with that kind of money.
I'm definitely hopeful that there are books or online mindfulness courses online that might help.

It was clear on all my a&e visits why I was there, I was open and forthcoming when asked about what had happened and why.

Thank you and curtains I'm sorry to hear about your husband that must be hard for you both X

Defo no in between care for mh.

First point entry, I’m step 3-4 I waited 10 mths for what I thought was to see a psychologist, ended up cbt therapist. I had 12 sessions, not every week as her appointment diary was pathetic. I bet she only saw 4 at the most a day. Didn’t work Friday and on my appointment last time she told me I had 2 left,! When I questioned her why she said she was retiring and she’d told me( she hadn’t)
last week I was poorly so couldn’t go, she leaves today and I’ve just been left in the lurch.

In my area when you go to a&e the Raid team see you (mh) unless your psychotic they just tell you to go home after waiting god knows how many hours.
I’ve found out that a Gp can refer you to outpatient with an appointment within 48 hrs at the hospital.

I actually was under secondary mh care 6 yrs ago, this time round
The goal post have been moved you have to be psychotic, bipolar or constantly trying suicide.
So like you, im left to just Gp.

It’s really bad, when your in crisis and frightened for yourself and that all there is is to ring Samaritans( who you get get through to) mind have a waiting list and you get told to see Gp

I have private insurance, but because I take regular medication for anxiety I’m not eligible under MH and have to be drug free for 2 years.
That’s my only illness

I’ve noticed the same. I have a number of diagnosises including depression, anxiety, BPD, EDNOS and OCD. I have visited A&E for serious self harm 16 times in the last year - when I feel myself nearing crisis I find this is a way to bring myself out of it and I’ll generally then be okay for a while but it feels like a dangerous way to be left with to cope.

However I find I haven’t really been able to receive any definitive help - my GP prescribed anti-depressants and I had 20 sessions of free counselling, both of these helped to an extent but I’m still having days or weeks where I’m struggling to cope and function and where I’m harming myself. I was referred to a psychiatrist who basically diagnosed me with BPD (which I don’t think fits me well at all - in hindsight she asked me a lot of leading questions which I feel led to her being able to give me this diagnosis) and referred me to a support group for help. Never mind that it takes place in the middle of a weekday at a hospital 20 miles from my house and that I work full time and don’t drive. She also requested my GP refer me to a local eating disorder clinic but my GP took one look at me (I’m normal weight) and said that there was no need.

It just feels like because I’m able to hold down a job and am able to talk articulately and calmly they don’t really feel the need to offer me any more help. I feel like I won’t receive any help now until things slip to the point where I’m no longer functioning, I feel like they’re happy to just wait and see if things get better or if things reach crisis and I end up trying to take my life or lose my job or otherwise reach breaking point.

There is definitely a gap. Which is why the private sector is expanding and organisations like MIND are over subscribed.

If you have identified the gap in MH services within the NHS and, can't afford private therapy, realised that there is no help, then isn't the self help route the only way to go.

So trying mindful meditation groups, yoga meditations, TM, exercise, visiting Buddhist, Zen or Taoist centres or monasteries. Even sitting with a spiritual teacher of these philosophies might help.

Self help books from the library. You Tube videos of teachers, meditations, breathing exercises, distractions. methodologies.

In other words if you cannot get to a counsellor, become your own counsellor. It may help. Something might resonate with you and put you on a path to recovery.

As is says in the Tao Te Ching. A journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step.

I guess my problem is I have huge social anxiety which makes picking up the phone or self-referring to any support groups really tricky. I have sat with the phone in my hand and number dialled to phone the local charity which offers counselling following sexual traumas so many times over the 3 years since it happened but I can never go through with it. Attending something like yoga would be impossible.

I guess self help is ideally the best way forward but I find it so hard to even manage simple self care tasks like brushing my teeth, eating or showering. I have tried mindfulness apps and videos etc but I guess I get so scared of facing what’s in my mind I always get that fight/ flight anxiety response and turn them off. Sometimes even when you know how to access help it is really hard to follow through.

@crazykittensmile

I understand.

Perhaps a minute at a time. Small steps. From seeds great things grow. A lotus flower has its roots in mud.

Well, since writing about DH being in the gap it seems like I'm there too. I've been under secondary MH care for a long time, been hospitalised numerous times and have a variety of diagnoses. Found out at my last session with my psychologist that I have 2 sessions left. Although he is part of the mental health team I'm not open to anyone else there so when my sessions are up I'll just be back to my GP. The most frustrating thing is that even he agreed that the most beneficial thing for me would be weekly psychological therapy sessions for a year or so / as long as it takes as they will really make a difference.

It seeks like I've got half a foot on the right track again and they're just saying 'bye!' I've still got self harm from a few weeks ago that requires daily dressings, but clearly I'm fine. It's shocking.

There is a self referral scheme in my area called steps to well being. Run by the nhs. No gp referral needed. Not sure if u have something like this in your area.

Yes OP there is a huge gap in the mental health services its crap basically.
Try going to a voluntary organisation in your atea? Check out MIND & see if there are any support groups in your area.
Keep visiting your GP too. No-one should have to live in your situation with no support.
What support would you ideally think would help you? Maybe having an idea of what you think would help would be good because then you can find it or ask for it from your GP?

mumof1 yes that's what we have here for secondary care too. I have referred to them attempted treatment and been discharged as out of their remit twice.

chocolate I'm not sure what the next step would be for me therapy wise, although ideally I would like to at least consult with a pychologist or psychiatrist to make a treatment plan rather than just a counsellor. I also feel like management of my medication may be best handled by a specialist rather than my gp but I recognize that in this current climate I am unlike to receive these things

Thank you all for replying, I'm so sorry to hear so many of you or your families are going through hard times too

Can really relate to your post OP. I have been under various MH services for 15 years. Always going back to the GP, been referred for CBT, offered meds etc. Always told I was ‘just’ depressed but I didn’t understand how I could be depressed for the majority of my life. I struggle with every day tasks, my house is a constant shit tip, my anxiety means I avoid travelling, socialising and being in busy environments. However, I come across as being very ‘normal’ apparently... and from the outside you would have no idea. Even friends have told me they can’t believe I struggle with MH. I feel it is probably a coping mechanism I have formed after poor MH for so long I need to appear together for survival. What changed was that I got fed up with being referred for one thing, being told I was either not suitable because being too ill or not I’ll ebough and being referred to another. I pushed for a diagnosis, I knew there was more to it, and there was, I have BPD. It fits like a glove, it made my life and my emotions make sense to me, and now , finally, I am receiving the appropriate treatment. I would strongly advise you to push for a referral to a psychiatrist for diagnosis, otherwise you may find you are trapped in that same wheel .

Yes I'm in the gap too. I can function but have constant suicidal thoughts. I am very articulate and no doubt appear absolutely fine at appointments so am never offered anything besides anti d's which do nothing for me. Can't afford private therapy. It's an impossible situation.