I know I should be coping, on the surface everything is fine and dandy, underneath I'm not coping. There's been nothing really terrible happen but over the last 3 years just a accumulation of small things. Stressful getting son into secondary school involving appeals etc, Went back to full time work after 11 years part time (same company)learning a brand new complex role in a different city so lots of travelling involved. Just got qualified and was then made redundant after 30 years.
It took me 6 months to find work on less money and in that time we had to have the bathroom and boiler replaced and work done outside the house.
Came into some money, bought our freehold had some more work done in the house, didn't go to plan was very stressful.
During all this, my husband was on and off ill for months and eventually got diagnosed with CFS/ME. He then had to have an operation on his elbow for something unrelated which made his ME worse and I had to drive him everywhere for months as he was unable to. In the meantime he's losing pay because of all the time he's taking off.
Work has got progressively busier and more stressful, my son has changed school again, I'm struggling with my weight, my husband s health is so up and down, I'm having to do pretty much everything at home cleaning, cooking, shopping because dh just doesn't have the energy. My dad's been in and out of hospital, my mum's had a bit of a breakdown, they've moved house, My best friend had a cancer scare, a close friend died suddenly and unexpectedly on top of all that I'm worried about money.
I can't switch off, I am not sleeping well, I feel sick and anxious all the time, I can't relax, if I relax it will all fall apart. I can't stop thinking of my friend who died, he was young but had a hidden health problem, I have a son, what if that happens to me. I just want to disappear but I can't do that to my family but in other respects they would be better off without me. I just want it all to go away. I want it all to stop.