I'm a teacher and I'm not coping

[joliejoleen]

Secondary school teacher. Work full time. Single parent with two young kids. I feel like I'm drowning. I work ALL THE TIME. And it's never good enough anyway. My lessons are shit, my house is a tip and I spend no quality time with my kids. I barely sleep. I never used to have spots - now my face and chest are covered with them. I look like shit. I hate my life!

Can you afford to reduce your hours?

I get benefits to top up my salary as I don't earn enough... my rent is 2/3 of my salary. So I guess if I dropped a day, I'd get more in benefits... but I'm not sure it's the right thing to do. I always wanted to come off benefits, not be more dependant on them 😔

Do what you have to do....you're health comes first!

If you are working you aren't depending on benefits, you are being supported until your kids can help financially or until they move out.

You’ll be more yourself and therefore be able to do things better if you reduced your hours. Your job is important but not as much as your family .

I would investigate reducing hours maybe to something like half time - see if you can afford that. Don't worry about using benefits - that's what they are there for.

I'm not surprised you're exhausted. An alternative would be getting signed off sick.

Definitely reduce your hours if humanly possible.

I'm also in teaching and about to resign. This is my second time around. The problem is not you and your lessons almost certainly aren't shit. This so called profession is an absolute disgrace. I do not know a single happy and mentally health teacher. I genuinely believe things won't change until there is a general strike of teachers and all primary and secondary schools are shut until the government of the day ensures the job is reasonable, not the joke it has become. In the meantime I wish you well. You are very far from alone.

I was in your position two years ago. I ended up getting signed off sick with stress for six months. I can’t exactly recommend it but I got full pay so at least I didn’t have to worry about money. Then I found another job (still teaching, but not in a school) and now I feel completely differently about everything. I felt guilty about the time off, and the pay, but to be honest, a tiny bit of understanding and compassion from the school would have meant I would never have needed to have gone off sick at all. Now I’m in a job where there is understanding and I never hardly need to take time off at all and don’t feel stressed (more than anyone who’s a single parent working full time would).

Thank you for the replies. And for your support. I've been toying with the idea of going part time but felt bad about using benefits...and I also felt like I had to prove something! Hey, look at me, I can do it all myself. No, I can't. My workload (as a teacher, mother, cleaner, cook etc.) is just too much! I have spent the whole day today catching up on cleaning. And I'm nowhere near finished.
I agree, something needs to be done about the teaching profession. We're held to impossible standards. And I hate the fact that we're expected to work at home - when has this become normal??? Whilst trying to stay on top of everything and spending hours on planning EXCITING and ENGAGING activities so that my year 10s don't switch off 5mins into the lesson, I neglect my own children. I haven't spent proper quality time or talked to my kids about what they've been up to for almost TWO months!!! I want to cry...

I hope you've gone to sleep now! It's really late.

I think you need to go part time, go to the doc and get signed off or move and have a total change.

If your rent is 2/3 is your salary, would you consider moving?

I left full time teaching for very similar reasons, working until at least 11 most nights, having no weekends off or any down time at all, and even then it was never good enough! It has become a totally untenable profession, which I read somewhere that the average NQT stays in for 3 years 😲😡

Hi @joliejoleen
I'm listening to you. You are right - it is the system that is broken, and not you.
You and your DC come first. It is really fucking hard being a single parent, running an entire household and working FT every single day.
I am a teacher. It is the hardest job in the world - I used to love it but now after 20 years I could leave tomorrow.
We are here for you on Mumsnet.

Thank you all for your kind words.
I really am knackered and feel like my soul has been ripped out(sorry, I know it sounds dramatic!)
I have a meeting with the headteacher this week. Fingers crossed. I want to drop two days, asap. I am at a breaking point.

Reducing the days I've worked has saved my life. I can now buy milk, iron during the day and breathe out, when at 10am I get in the bath with a book.
We eat more beans on toast and jacket potatoes and less treats, but I'm here, and I'm sane.
Go for it.

Please go to your GP op before you burn out.

I am in education and you have every sympathy of mine. Thinking of you

Thank you lovely people. Thank you so much.
Just one question: what if the Head says no?

Is it too late to hand in notice to wave at Christmas?
I made the move from a failing, rough secondary after enduring over 2 years.I went to a primary school - so different - I loved it

Leave not wave!!

I don't want to leave, I do like my school. But I'm just knackered, that's all 😔Especially because my ex never takes the children at the weekend... so I never get any time to myself!

Sending you lots of love. I absolutely hate what the teaching profession has become. There are too many single, childless brown-nosers who are perfectly happy to work every hour God sends so that they can progress in their careers - unfortunately, there are so many of this type, that working 70 hour weeks has become normalised. It's absolutely ridiculous and something has got to change. The pay is absolutely rubbish in relation to the working conditions. A few years ago, I was considered 'one to watch' - I'd have probably made Head of a secondary school by my early 30s if I'd bought into that mindset. I had a position with whole school responsibility, and was in work 7 until 5 most nights, then working until 1 or 2 in the morning. During the holidays I was bombarded with emails late into the night with requests for data analysis and pointless paperwork. I had a baby and a husband and couldn't cope. The ethos of the school was vile, staff were resigning or were managed out in their droves and no-one could be trusted. I turned from an outstanding teacher to a wreck. I constantly doubted myself. I went to my doctor and was signed off, then went to my union. They were horrified (especially when reading the tone of the emails sent) and advised me to take them to a tribunal. Work asked me to sign a non disclosure and offered 4 months tax free salary (about £16000) to leave. It was the best thing I ever did. I took some time out, and started in a different school as Head of Department. It's been a big step down, im still not happy with every aspect, but I absolutely refuse to work from home. I only work 4 days too. My advise would be to speak to your Head, see if they can support you (not with a competency plan either) and if not, go to your doctor and get signed off. Good luck.

Hope the meeting goes well. Definitely consider speaking to your GP and maybe getting signed off.