Advice on taking sick leave, feeling really anxious

[Splishsplashbath]

Name changed as I feel quite ashamed even though deep down I know there is nothing to be ashamed of and I believe it’s the right things to do at the moment.

I’m feeling really anxious about taking time off work due to my mental health. I’ve long suffered from anorexia/bulimia, therapist recently discussed borderline personality disorder, I’m being referred to another team for this.

I have young children and very recently split up with their father. Things have just became too much. I’ve felt the lowest I have in a long time and work is just another thing eating away at me.

Therapist supports my decision. Doctor was quite dismissive at first but that changed after reading my notes.

I just feel so guilty! I work for a large company, they have issues with sickness as is it. My immediate manager isn’t easy to talk to, I know I will have to discuss my reasons for taking leave but I feel so ashamed.

It’s really not easy to talk about. My manager often comments on how upbeat I am, my other manager is a friend of a friend and I feel like I’m letting them down.

I know if I keep on at work, I will be doing it to please other people (this is a huge problem for me as it is) and eventually I will crash and burn.

I just don’t know how to talk about this being my reason for taking leave. Has anyone been in a similar position? Any advice welcomed

Anyone 😣

Can't offer much help but my DP is in a similar position. He is currently on his 3rd month of sick due to anxiety & depression - work is part of the problem but because his managers are utter wankers he can't approach them about it without worrying they will just cut him instead of sorting it.

Have you got anybody that you can maybe take with you if you have a meeting? I attended DPs HR meeting with him because i was worried how it would affect him...i think it helped because i had already had a row with one of the managers over their utter harassment of him whilst signed off early on. It meant they couldn't pressure him into agreeing to something that would ultimately set him back.
He didn't go into much detail about why he was off & they accepted that because he was under GP & MH team & dealing with things

No advice as such but didn't want to read and run.

you have nothing to be ashamed about. Your mental health is suffering and you are taking steps to protect yourself and ultimately your children. If you have been signed off by your doctor there is nothing your work can say and they would not be able to discriminate against you.

Take care off yourself OP give yourself the time and space you need and you'll be able to go back to work in a better mental place than you are now and be a bigger assets to the company. Everybody will benefit in the long run ❤️

I’m coming to the end of my 4th month of sickness and a 2 month admission into a psych ward. Please look after number one and take the time you need

Take all the time you need. You need to put yourself first.

Thank you all so much @pissedoffdotcom the only people who know how deep it goes it is my mum. She doesn’t know all but most, I would love to take my mum with me. It sounds so sad when I am a mum myself but she is always there for me. I hope your dp gets the support he needs

@pinyata thank you. I know it’s true. I just feel like I’m another statistic who should be getting on with things and moaning too much, but it really doesn’t feel like that in my head. I want to get well for myself and my dc.

I know I’m lucky that I have support and I should be grateful, work is just becoming too much!

@grumpbum123 thank you, I don’t want to end up in a psyche ward but feel I’m heading that way if I don’t make a change. I hope you get the support and help you need

@dailymaildontstealmythread thank you. It’s just so bloody hard to accept I need to look after myself.

I had 6weeks off sick in the summer.

Please don't feel down and you are letting people down, businesses should be prepared for an eventuality like this.

Most important person is you, look after yourself.

DPs work tried to persuade him not to bring me but as i was the only reason the GP allowed him home i needed to know what was said. He handled it amazingly even tho i could see how hard it was...but he said it helped massively knowing that i was there. You shouldn't have to go into detail, and if they question something you aren't comfortable answering, simply say that. They have no comeback, they cannot pressure information from you. Worst thing they can do is request your medical notes but i'm pretty sure there has to be a reason for it.

Please don't feel ashamed. I honestly believe the only reason i can support DP as much as i am is because i have been there too. I'm stable now but i know what that darkness & pure exhaustion feels like, so when he says to me that he's having a bad say, i get it. People don't talk about it much but i guarantee in your workplace around 25% of staff will have struggled with MH issues of their own.

@heresme did the time off do you good? I know they should but I feel so guilty 😞 I’m such an over thinker. Hate thinking I’ve upset anyone or cost the company money. It’s ridiculous how much my mind goes into overdrive.

@pissedoffdotcom. If I knew someone was suffering from mental health issues, I wouldn’t judge them, or maybe I would but in a positive way. It’s so very hard living with mental health issues. It’s like you describe, dark and exhausting.

I’ts so nice to hear your stable. I often say I don’t feel I will ever be completely free of this, I just want to be in control of it and not the other way round.

I need to put myself/dc first. I want to get better and with the necessary steps on place I believe I can get there.

The thing you have to think about is, if you ended up spiralling downwards & having to be admitted, would work step up to help you any way they could? Highly unlikely, so don't bust a gut trying to keep them afloat at the expense of you & your children. They can afford to juggle things to get the work done...you cannot afford that luxury.

Time off is doing DP the world of good. He is relaxed, he is sleeping better, he is engaging with his counsellor etc. He isn't spending the morning stressing about going to work...then stressing at work despite them not giving a shit.

And please don't let them pressure you into going back before you are ready. It will be a huge setback. Slow & steady wins the race such a cliche sorry but with MH i firmly believe it

It’s so good to hear your dp is benefiting from time off. That’s what I feel at the moment, the thought of work makes me feel anxious and actually sick. When I’m there it’s the same.

I get myself in knots thinking about it. It just adds to the strain I’m under. I have appointments I’m trying to stick to but I work shifts and it’s juggling everything.

Recovery is such early days and I’m struggling to stick to my mantra due to work. I want to eventually get back to work! I want to be positive and in the right space. I know deep down i need this! Ex dp believes time off is for the best, said he will be there night or day to help with the dc and the everyday running of things.

Everyone seems on board. I’m going to pluck up the courage today and speak to them.

Thanks for all your advice and support.

Good luck. And you should be proud of yourself for realising the steps you need to take. It isn't easy.

Eventually you just won’t be able to carry on. Take the time you need to get better and avoid having a breakdown. Good luck.

Thank you both so much. I managed to pluck up the courage 😣 my manager is being really nice which makes me feel terrible. She’s not soft by nature (her words).

We haven’t spoken much but she’s asking if it’s work/home causing the problem and I don’t know what say. It’s honestly a mixture of everything. I can’t communicate what I’m feeling/thinking properly and how to word it plus she’s spoken to me lots about how bad sickness is at work and I feel like she must think I’m lying.

This is such a problem of mine. I try to please people and overthink constantly, again something I’m working on. Just don’t know how to reply to her email 😣

I know I will have to go in at some point for a meeting and hand in a sick note which I’m dreading already.

I’m off sick and it’s helping me. You actually don’t have to go into detail with your manager it’s your right to some privacy however they can offer more support if they have an idea good luck

You are entitled to take time off for being unwell, just because it is a mental health problem doesn’t mean it’s less serious or worthy of support & sympathy. Just over a year ago I had a horrid anxiety relapse & ended up taking 30 days sick leave over the course of around 3 months. I felt totally humiliated about the illness & very embarrassed about what others would think, at the time. However, a year on I am back to ‘normal’ & feel quite differently about it. I wish I’d taken more time off without feeling so guilty. & I’m happy to talk to people about what happened (at least people I trust & like) & feel that they can get lost if they decide to judge me negatively. I’ve realised that my feelings of shame were part of the illness though at the tine I just thought I was a complete failure & that my career was over. Thankfully most people are nicer than we give them credit for & everyone forgets pretty quickly & moves on to the next piece of gossip. I’m glad your GP & therapist are supportive & hope you can take sone time off & start to heal. X

Do you need the money? It you can cope without then is there a sabbatical policy at work you could use instead? At some companies people go on ‘sabbaticals’ instead of taking sick leave for some things (IVF / MH issues etc).

your post resonated with me, my dh has poor mental health and struggled on for longer than he should have, then had a breakdown. so far he's been off 3 weeks but likely to be quite a bit longer.

i see it as the warning light has come on in your mh car - take some time to give it a service before the wheels fall off like with my dh!

I am in my second month of being signed off and it has been so beneficial for my mental health, I just knew I couldn’t carry on as I was at work, couldn’t sleep, permanently anxious, irritable and felt like I was drowning. Piss poor management support and I had to put the brakes on before I completely fell apart. The only downside is I am on SSP which causes a whole host of financial problems so the stress is still there!

@CantGetNoSleeeeeeep thanks, doc has agreed to put blanket reason, she originally gave specifics after we had discussed I didn’t feel comfortable with them knowing everything and she agreed. I want to focus on my current sessions and not get work involved, it’s just something I don’t want to get into with them.

I’m so happy to hear you seem to be feeling better. I’m still totally in the shame/embarrassed stage even though I know, deep down, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. My colleagues are quite gossipy, not malicious, just usual office gossip I guess, my manager is a nightmare for it herself, she’s occasionally “let slip” about others who are off which I know isn’t right and another reason I don’t want to disclose too much.

@Cherries101 I’ve not really thought about that tbh. Money would be very tight and I guess its another thing that would add to the pressure.

@Di11y I’m so sorry to hear about your dh, and you. I know it can affect others who are involved. That’s honestly the way I feel I’m heading, I have young dc that I want to be there for, to do my best for, I was/am so worried about reaching breaking point. I know what I need to do. I really hope things get better for you and your dh.

@user764329056 that’s how I was feeling, I still am as I think they think, I’ll be back this week sometime. Its really nice to hear it’s benefiting you, maybe your due a lottery win! Hope it all works out