I'm having a terrible night

[Kneehighinnappies]

forgive me for saying this but at the mo I feel like chucking one of my dt's across the room.

She is being such a pita, have been up sine 12.45 feeding her and i don't feel like i can take much more, she won't take formula all she wants to do is suck on me and she won't stop i am even feeding her as i write this.
she keep coming on and off all the time and sodding about making my boobs sore.

i can't take much more of her horrible lttle grabby hands clawing at me, but every time i take her off she starts screaming.

dh came down to feed dt2 and has just made matters even worse, telling me to get out of his sight as i was not being to nice to dt1, not doing anything nasty but just telling her i fuckng hate her etc.
then he told me that i have to stop bf as he is sick of it, well excuse me what exactly does he do ffs.

I am just so wound up, sore and tired, but dt1 is still here chugging away (on what i don't know)
there is more but that wiill do for starters.

I'm sorry you feel so sad, but am i reading it wrong or did you tell your child you 'fucking hate her!?'

horrid litle grabby hands?

I really think you have serious depression. Do you have a good suport network?

Yes I did I am not proud of it but I feel like fucking crap, it was a heat of the moment thing.
I am not on here to be lectured although i am sure i deserve it, I need support so pls don't judge me I feel bad enough as it is.

I tried to word it as gently as I could, but to be honest what you wrote is utterly shocking.
I am not judging you but if you can write such things then you need help, and soon.

I know it sounds terrible and shocking it is one of those middle of the night feeling like utter shit things that you have every now and again, tomorrow it will all be back to normal.
It is not easy dealing wiht 1 baby but dealing with 2 and bf 2 is a whole different ball game, plus have a 2 year old dd and in all honesty I am doing remarkably well i do have my shaky mooments and this is one.

I jsut want her to go off to sleep I am knackered and have pmt

Well I have two within 2 years, and had a bout of serious depression, but could never ever use those words againt my children.
I am sorry that you said them, no doubt you feel terrible now. Are you on any medication? Is your doctor or health vistor etc giving you support?

Hi knee high, sorry you are having such a bad night, i know how desperate the night hours can be.

I used to sometimes feel so tired I thought I'd go crazy.

I also understand how your dh's attitude would make you feel worse. My dh used to get up (occaisionally) and look at me like I was really horrible as I couldn't bear to be with dd for another minute - i just wanted to sleep. He'd spend half an hour being all nicey nicey with the baby and i'd feel a hundred times worse.

Don't beat yourself up about tonight, we all have our bad times, and we are all just getting through the days (and nights)at some points in our dcs' lives.

Bf one was hard enough for me, you have my admiration for attempting it with two.
Is there anyway you can catch up on sleep tomorrow?

Hope you and your dt are fast asleep by now.

Hope you're asleep now but just wanted to say that to be breastfeeding twins and coping with a toddler as well is fantastic and you should be extremely proud of yourself. You have every reason to get frustrated when you're tired and they won't settle and they want to feed the whole time. It's scary that you (parents in general I mean) can occasionally have moments where you really have had enough of them but completely understandable. Sounds like DH is exhausted too which doesn't help matters!

At least you typed a message on here instead of throwing her

Hi, I just wanted to say I understand what it is like to try and breast feed twins, i only did it for a short while as it got too much for me, i felt really guilty giving it up, by they are now 6 and perfectly healthy, have never been really ill, so please dont feel pressurised into carry on breastfeding if it is too hard for you, if you want to bottle feed just find the formula that suits them and perservere, they will soon take to it and it will take some of the pressure off you. it is far easier to feed two at once with the bottle. have you got somebody that could maybe have your toddler for a few days so you can try and get into a routine? and get some sleep! do you a twins club local to you? if you look on tamba you will find a link to local twins clubs, i found alot of support there and made a very good friend.