PND

[Jeanette101]

Hello I have a question I'm not sure what to do I think I have PND and I'm not sure what to do to make it better I'm a first time mum don't get me wrong I love my baby so much but I didn't have a good pregnancy I had to have an emergency c-section because she was breech and so I live with my partner and his mum untill we have saved enough for a house and my partner works nights so he sleeps in the day so I'm looking after the baby night and day and it feels so hard and a lot of pressure I have thoughts about running away or hurting my self but then I feel worse because I feel selfish because I love my baby so much and also it's like this massive dark feeling around me all the time like I snap at people and I don't mean to I'm always crying all the time but I dunno why Iam especially when my baby doesn't want to sleep and She moans because she doesn't know what to do with her self because she's 6 weeks old I got to keep her quiet because my partner is sleeping and as well I can't look at my body in the mirror since I had her last time I did I cried and just hide under my blanket I feel such a mess and I dunno what I can do to get better I feel like I need help to get better

The situation that you are in sounds hard. You should not have the added stress of trying to keep your baby quiet so your partner can sleep. It's impossible. He should sleep somewhere else if it bothers him that much.

In terms of your mental health, please please please go and see your gp. They will be able to tell you about what help you can access for your pnd. I've had pnd for a while now and I'm so glad I did that initial visit to the gp for help.

You can't be expected to do everything. Your partner has to help sometimes too when he isn't working. Getting time for yourself is so important for your mental health, even if it's just half an hour in the bath while your partner looks after your baby. Have you spoken to him about any of this?

Also you are not selfish. You cannot help how you feel. It's a very difficult time and it's great that you recognise that things aren't right at the moment.

@GMtoBe thank you for the reply and he works 6 nights a week and makes me feel bf for him because he's the one with the job saving for a house and I guess I did agree that I would look after the baby but I didn't realize how hard it was gunna be after having her, it's not her it's the mental state I'm in I feel like a mess I haven't gotten dressed for 3 days I just don't have the energy for it it's like when I'm tired I can't even go up stirs to sleep because if I do and the baby crys she will wake up my partner and he's not gunna be happy and this makes me more unhappy because he also doesn't understand how hard it is for me right now it's like I wanna take a walk and leave things at 2 in the morning but I know I can't so just sit there and cry but I just wanna scream because I'm so unhappy and this isn't me especially the suicide thoughts I just feel useless right now and I want help but at the same time I'm to scared to ask for help of someone cause I don't want them to think Iam harm to my baby because I would never do anything to hurt her because I love her so much

OP, you have to see your GP. They will definitely be able to help you. I was in a very similar place after DD1. It was a very dark time, but it got better. I would take your DP with you to the appt. He needs to be looking after you too. I know it's hard, but try to get dressed. Just the simple act of being clean and dressed will lift your mood. Baby bouncer in the bathroom works well. If you can, I would suggest going to a baby group. You need to get a new Mum tribe. Two of my closest friends now are people I met when I summed up the courage to go to one. Lots of women will be feeling the same, I promise. This too shall pass. X