DS is struggling

[mumtoh]

Last night my DS opened up to me that he is struggling with his feelings. We'd had a fall-out the night before when I'd heard him banging around in his bedroom and when I asked what was happening he screamed at me to go away, that I made him angry and to get out of his room (not the first time this has happened) . He's 17, I'm a single parent (divorced 6 years ago). He sees his dad but doesn't have a great relationship with him as he now sees him for the selfish person he is. I've been worried about him for a while - he spends most of his time in his room on his x-box playing games (very loudly), his eating habits aren't great and he's talked about how fat he is (he's not fat at all..). He goes to 6th form and has a Saturday job which he enjoys, we also support a local sports team and go to weekly games together which we also enjoy.

What he said last night is that he's worried about mood swings and managing his anger. He's felt down for a long time, he's spoken to people online about it but only to a couple of friend IRL - he feels he doesn't have any real friends, that girls aren't nice to him (sometimes speak sometimes don't), that there are no nice people at school, he's not motivated to do his school work. I asked if he would see a doctor or a counsellor and he flatly refuses - he says the way he feels is just the way it is, and that a counsellor didn't help him before (he went to one briefly when me and his dad split up - there were issues with him dealing with the split, understandably). I've suffered with my MH - post-natal depression, anxiety - for which I've had treatment and counselling that worked - and I shared this with him in the hope he would agree to see a doctor but he won't.

Outwardly to the world he seems happy - he's very sociable and chats to my friends who all love him. When he's on the x-box he always seems to be laughing and joking with his mates.

I don't know how I can support him or help him with this. Any suggestions would be great.

Hopeful bump...

Don't want to read and run. I hope someone with experience sees this soon.

No advice but a bump

Thank you @mummyeme and @FFSFFSFFS for posting. I'm sad no one else has any advice.

DS is now openly banging round his room and breaking things. He's also being aggressive when I ask him to stop. I'm worried now he has told me he struggles that he will think it's ok to behave like this.

Get him to the GP. You are not alone my ds also aged 17 and doing a levels has been suffering similarly.
He was previously happy go lucky and became v v down last year.
He can't put a finger on why he feels low and had said some v worrying things. He's had counselling with a specialist young people counseller which he found helpful he went for 10 weeks.
He's also had suppprt from his personal tutor. I found a website and telephone helpline young minds to be v helpful. You could also ask college to refer him to camhs.
He needs to talk yo someone and you need support too bring on yr own. It's v tough for kids these days. Lots of pressure, social media and the need to fit in.
Please feel free to msg me if you want xx

Counseling obv would be helpful. Is there a sporting club or something you could support him to join? Something like kick boxing or some of those type of activities? Not only good exercise but could provide good supportive structured environment? Climbing or something??

Either at school or if school a problem an outdoor club could be great

Thank you both. Benji he point blank refuses to go to gp. I'm considering asking school in confidence for help but don't want to go behind his back. I just can't have him being so aggressive at home though - I know he's struggling and it's hard but he has to learn to manage his feelings or he's on a very slippery slope.

FFS I would love for him to do something like that but suspect he won't go. He used to play football but gave it up.

Any male family friends etc who could take him for day out at the football? Go to a sports class or something with him? Boxing could be a good thing to suggest? I love boxing!

You could both sign up to do park run together???

Hi mumtoh.
Sorry to hear you and your DS are struggling.
The main tip I found useful when speaking to my DD when she was struggling was:
Accept that what your DS feels is real to him.... So even if it's not true or you disagree you can say... "I know you feel that going to the gp would be a waste of time, but would you just speak to them for me."
(for example}
Keep talking to him and try not to lose your temper or your mind. It's great that he's talking to you, that's really the first step.

Is it the pressures of school? Having been a high achiever at GCSE I really struggled with the jump up to A Level, perhaps he’s feeling the strain?

Thank you all who have posted - I really appreciate it
Spoken to a gp I know today and also a good friend for advice. Came home and there was an angry young man who had been to his dads for dinner as arranged and had to buy himself a Subway as his dad had no food in the house. His relationship with him just gets worse. I tried to speak to him but he's very angry, saying he knew he shouldn't have told me as I will just want to talk about it all the time, shouting at me to go away and shutting me out if his room.

I think I will need to take it slowly with him, try to talk (but not all the time..) and be there for him. I think he needs a good male role model.

Try young minds www.youngminds.org.uk they can give you advise.
There is a helpline you can phone. My son really struggles too and we got him to the GP and he is on meds and having counselling so i feel he is getting better, but its a long journey and he daily battles anxiety. He now recognises that social media can really affect his mood and his feelings of self worth and limits that. I get him out, doing things and that helps. Talking is the main thing and is the thing I reinforce with him constantly. Good luck. I think these are tough times for young men.