How do you leave someone you love who is vulnerable?

[Onlyfamandclosefknow]

Just that really. He's not ready to be in a relationship with me beyond a carer-cared for dynamic. We are married but he had a bipolar breakdown and it's really impacted on my life.

Is it OK that I want to live separately for a while to heal from everything his mental illness has done to me? I have a type of PTSD now myself.

Would that doom our marriage?

Has anyone separated due to mental illness but managed to reconnect again one day?

It's very important that you look after your well-being too.
Living with someone with mental health difficulties is incredibly hard.
If it's having such a bad impact on you then you should leave. Leave for your health but also leaving will help your husband. It won't help him if you have ptsd as you two could spiral.
Such a hard decision but an understandable one.

Thank you for your reply.

It is heart breaking.

Is there any of yours/ dh family that would help out and look after him so you can move out, have a breather and focus on healing from your PTSD?

You do need to focus on healing yourself and your own metal health as hard as it is to watch what your husband is going through

*mental..not metal

Yes I have a wonderfully supportive family. Him less so (without giving away too much his family/childhood is part of the problem).

Thank you.

Hey,

My DH left me when I was the one in the situation your OH is in. I had different symptoms to your OH’s, but still MH-related. I’m on the mend now. Our marriage didn’t survive though and we plan to divorce - very much his decision. Whilst other people outside our marriage judge my DH harshly for his decision, I actually don’t. It takes a lot of courage to do as much self-preservation as leaving one’s spouse.

My DH and I considered separation for some space. It wasn’t the route for us, but that’s not to say your marriage will be doomed if you do spend time apart. Every person and every couple has to work through these types of things in their own way.

I give you permission to do what you need to do for yourself is what I guess I’m trying to say?

I was abandoned by a DP when I was going through hell. He has tried to get me back since I recovered.
Hell no! That's not love.

Thanks both.

I'm sorry you were abandoned Monty. I'm actually in a worse state than DH now because of his symptoms and behaviour during the worst of it, so we are not in a situation where a healthy person is abandoning the vulnerable one. He's the one who wants out, I'm the one who can't cope with him constantly changing his mind whilst I'm having therapy myself. My thoughts are we are not going to be doing each other any favours whilst he is still triggering me and unable to support me, and I have been the carer for him for years. I need support too.

Also, @erinaceus I'm glad you are on the mend now. What a journey you've had I'm sure.

If he wants out now, let him go, OP. You are as important as he is. He's not looking out for you, is he?

Heya @Onlyfamandclosefknow I’m glad too! It’s not been the best few years of my life but I seem - touch wood - to be through the worst part of it now and I’m holding on to that.

It does sound as if being apart might be for the best for both of you for now, however things turn out.

It won't have a happy ending. Let him go and keep him gone. I allowed mine to come back several times. The continuation got me to thinking next time will be the last time.
Make it so. Don't waste your love, your years, nor happiness.
If I could do it so can you