Am I depressed or just lazy?

[perfectlifenot]

Bit of background - 1 DS AGED 12, married for 15 years. Husband is pretty good, helps around house, attentive, loyal, we are still attracted to each other and have a good relationship (mostly - although he likes me to be happy and doesn't like me to moan!). We have a good life, no money worries.

I have always been prone to a bit of navel gazing but lately my emotions are all over the place. I haven't worked for a while, I find things I'm interested in and get very excited about them, then lose interest. I am finding it very hard to get out of bed in the morning. When I do, I tell myself "right, you have this and that to do" but just end up watching Netflix or surfing the internet and not showering until midday.

Sometimes I can get my shit together and I feel really positive and energetic - I'll power through a pile of ironing or declutter or clean the house but other days I just cannot summon up the energy. I don't think I have bi-polar as its not massive highs and lows - just no energy or just feeling quite normal with normal levels of energy and enthusiasm for things.

If I go out with friends, I usually enjoy myself but most of the time I just get irritated by people wanting me to do things as I just can't be bothered. I don't really have any enthusiasm for anything although I do enjoy it if I make an effort. When I get messages or texts about doing stuff in my head I'm just thinking "oh fuck off".

It has taken me weeks to post this as I just don't feel like I have any energy for anything.

I am 49 - could it be menopause (although I have been like this on and off for many years) or laziness or hormone levels? I have normal days and am trying to keep track of the days I feel miserable to see if there is a pattern. I feel like a total basket case and beat myself up about being a miserable cow as I really don't have anything to complain about.

Are you happy? Well, if you didn't have this pressure you're feeling to be or do something else. Would you mostly be content?

Sounds like depression to me

It could be due to perimenopause and your hormone levels playing silly buggers, so maybe a visit to the GP might be in order?

I feel exactly the same as you op with the fluctuating energy levels/being bothered to do anything/procrastination, and I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety.

I also have lots of other symptoms and lots of shit going on at the moment which feeds both of my conditions.

This might help, but if not, go to your GP. Please don’t suffer in silence like I did for 5 years. Good luck.

www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/depression.aspx

Do you work? I'd find it very hard to stay motivated in life and have any structure to my days if I didn't have something to actually do.

Thank you so much for your replies.

I read my post back and thought I sounded pathetic.

I do feel happy and content some days and other days just thoroughly miserable.

I do think it's linked to not working and not having a purpose. I have done some retraining and start of enthusiastic but lose interest really quickly (although I have finished the courses I've done). I just feel like everything I try is a bit pointless and I really need to go to Uni and train properly in something. But then I get depressed about the fact I think I'm too old and it's too late (and I don't actually KNOW what I want to do).

I could have written your post to be honest.

Im similar age to you. My kids have grown up and although living at home, they are self sufficient. Without outing myself, I work and earn good money, but my job involves caring for someone at home who is very independent and spends a lot of time out of the house. I'm not allowed to get a second job, so I find myself with a lot of time to myself.

I would have killed to have a life like this when I was working full time so why do I feel so miserable? One thing that DH has said to me which could apply to you is that I need a hobby. But I don't know what as I am not creative plus there doesn't seem to be anything to do during the day that doesn't involve either mother and toddler groups or pensioners!

My get up and go has gone and I've lost my mojo. I've tried antidepressants but they don't agree with me. So, after a bit of googling, I started taking high strength St John's Wort. It's early days but I can say I'm gradually feeling a bit better. I'm smiling more and I feel less miserable.

Have you tried anything like that?

I was toying with the idea of St Johns Wort as I took it when I was younger and it did help....

I am interested in lots of things and and enjoy reading but I just don't seem to have the physical energy to drag my arse out of bed or do anything productive.

If I DO have something planned, I can get up and get ready and anyone on the outside looking in would not think there was anything wrong. That's what I don't understand and then I just think "oh you're just bloody lazy".

It seems the less I have to do (or if I haven't arranged to meet a friend or have anything that absolutely must be done), I just can't seem to motivate myself. I have a massive to-do list but as its not critical, it very rarely gets tackled.

I tried SJW in the past but they did nothing for me. After doing a bit of research, the dosage was too low.

This time, the dosage is much higher and I can feel them working.

I don't know about you, but I tend to struggle around this time of year when the days get shorter.

Also I believe lack of structure in my day is another factor that makes me lack motivation and get up and go. Sounds hard to believe but I accomplished much more when I was out at work!

I've started writing a daily "things to do today" list and crossing them off as I get them done. Even things like walking the dogs or housework. I've also told myself that it doesn't matter if I spend an hour or two watching Netflix etc on a rainy day instead of feeling guilty which leads to feeling miserable.

I can also lose hours just sat up in bed on my iPad so I've started limiting that or having it on my daily list eg "from 11am to 12noon - iPad"

Give these tips a go and see how you get on. Especially the SJW. Check for interactions with other medication you may be on though.

Hello, i could have written your exact post. I'm currently feeling very hopeless, tied, lacklustre, can't be bothered etc. If it wasn't for my job and DC i dont think I'd even get out of bed. It's horrible!

Sorry meant to add that I hope you feel better soon. I'm trying very hard to focus on things and motivate myself a bit more!

Could it be low vitamin D/iron?

This was me and I thought it was normal but 6 months on things have gone from bad to worse and I've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder after very calmly sitting with my physio and listing all my medications and exactly how much it would take of each to kill myself.

He was understandably quite alarmed and reluctant to let me go and it wasn't until he contacted my GP that I was able to see what he saw. To me it seemed very normal, like he was fussing about nothing and I was extremely matter of fact about how much I had stockpiled, ready. I'm not saying that will happen to you but when you are becoming depressed you often can't see that spiral until you're trapped in it. Try to be aware of how you actually feel and if the bad days are starting to outnumber the good then go to the GP.

Sounds like depression to me BUT depression can be caused/exacerbated by physical causes too.

Poor diet, lack of sleep, hormones behaving differently, infection, toxins, even the days drawing in (I'm always worse in winter) can all affect mood.

I was dx following a breakdown several years ago, my main difficulty is OCD but depression is definitely an issue too and I'm on anti-depressants.

Personally I feel I have been suffering since mid teens. I'm definitely worse pre-menstrually.

Definitely worth a visit to GP and tell them any possible causes you think there might be.

Contrary to popular opinion depression - just like ANY illness not just mental illnesses - is not linear. You can have better days, or even just hours. Unfortunately there are idiots that don't recognise this and claim that a person isn't depressed if they so much as crack a smile. Plus just cos a person is depressed doesn't make them an arsehole! We fake smiles, joy, that we're having a good time - for the sake of those we care about, we generally don't wanna bum them out too! But even acting like this can take a toll, enforced jollity can be exhausting! As can doing tasks when we're struggling to find the mental energy to do them.

Hopefully you have a good understanding GP and this can be resolved easily and relatively quickly for you.

TomHardyswife thank you very much for your reply. I think I will def get some SJW and check the dose too. Limiting the screen time is a good idea too. Yesterday was a bad day for me. I spent all day online watching shit and crappy tv and ate crap (DS and DH away for the day).

I kept thinking I should write another to-do list - I just couldn't seem to do it. Got the ironing basket out too and it just sat there. One thing that does work is doing things for 10mins. I set a kitchen timer and say "I'll just do 10mins" and then I end up doing a bit more.

SC459 sorry to hear you are feeling the same. I agree - horrible!! I look at everyone rushing around and holding down jobs and I feel tired just thinking about it.

didyouseetheflaresinthesky so sorry to hear about your situation. I hope it starts to get better soon

Grahista thank you for your post. My diet has been awful recently. I'm not doing any exercise due to injuries from a car accident and am in pain and discomfort a lot which in itself is draining and makes me feel so old - I def feel this is a factor. I have put on weight and feel disgusting - although DH is very supportive. I know he prefers me slimmer though as he is a health nut and cycles everywhere

I actually feel as if today might be better - I never know how I'm going to feel when I wake up...but I have started off with a healthier breakfast and am going to do a few stretches.

Thanks - you having any treatment/physio for the injuries? Being in pain is bloody depressing too.

Weirdly a car accident was a contributing factors for my problems too. I wonder if it's the trauma or if there's something in my grans theory (her sister sank into depression following a car accident) that something is 'dislodged' chemically or physically that results in depressive chemicals increasing. Sounds weird but she was oddly sage my gran, had similar theories on other conditions WAY before there was a cause known for them and she was usually right. No medical training but her mother had been a sort of 'healer' within the community using natural products for certain ailments - this would of course have been WAY before the nhs - and many of those treatments are now recognised and how they work understood.

I think part of the issue could be you being comfortably off as this can adversely affect motivation. Most of us go to work because we really need our salary to pay bills and put food on the table so without that driver it makes the prospect of going to work a bit meaningless (unless you have a strong calling like medicine or social work).

I think if I didn't work I'd be similar to you as I'm a great one for procrastinating. Working means you really value your free time whereas if all of your time is free time you don't value it in the same way.

Have you thought about voluntary work of some kind ?

…am in pain and discomfort a lot which in itself is draining

I’d say this will be playing a big part in your lethargy. And heading for 50 is no picnic, changes will be under way whether you know it or not. Your discomfort levels can rise imperceptibly at this time even without an injury, and mood changes are par for the course.

All this is mentally tiring, even if it isn’t the same every day.

I would start with a GP appointment. Mention your discomfort and lethargy and see if there is anything more which can be done, regarding pain management. Ask if menopause might be playing a part and if so, what treatment options are there.

I would really approach it from the medical angle first, before trying to kick yourself up the rear for not doing more.