Im struggling big time.
Im not sure whats wrong but hoping someone can tell me if this is somewhat normal or a condition?
I have two kids and after my second one was born two years ago I experienced severe deliberating anxiety about her development. She is fine and actually ahead but I lost months of enjoying her and sleep. I was convinced that she was delayed.
So I get over that and all seems fine. Im a sahm and hardly speak to any one day to day and felt myself getting miserable so started looking for a job.
Got offered two and chose the best paid one which was related to my last job. I start in two weeks but since I've found out im literally too anxious to sleep.
I worry about all the small talk I need to make. What if I can't do the job. What if someone hates me.
Then last night I went out for dinner and seen an old colleague who was out with friends. I spent the full dinner literally shaking with fear of making small talk. Then I convinced myself they were talking about me and laughing at me. I know its irrational. I had to keep going to the toilet to hide and just wanted out of there.
What the hell is wrong with me. I feel on the edge of tears most of the time and im not sure why. Maybe because its my current lonely circumstances and mixing with adults and work and focusing on my job will help but im not sure.
I have slow release propranolol but it doesn't help the thoughts.