I'm a mother of 2 and depressed, how to get better?

[Lorddenning1]

I am really struggling to deal with the end of a relationship.
We have been together for 9 years and have two children. We have always had to work hard at our relationship, we are not right for each other, we both want different things out of life, I'm ambitious and outgoing he smokes weed and wants to stay in all the time. We had been arguing a lot lately and we started screaming in front of the children, after a bad argument a few weeks ago he decided he had enough and arranged to go and stay with his brother, the said it was over, but then said he is treating this as a break away from me.
I can be hard work too, but I'm going to get some councilling and help for this. A week after we split I read his Facebook messages and saw he had been talking to 4 different girls, it didn't bother me as much as I thought it would but a week later I read them again and one girl in particular (his ex ex) the conversation has moved on, to I can't wait to see u, I miss you etc. I was gutted and logged out so I can't see anything else. I have since confronted him about it and he was angry that I have read his messages and told me that he had already slept together, I felt like I had been punched in the stomach, I can't eat or sleep.
He had had the kids this weekend and I have since found out my son had watched his dad video chat this new girlfriend and he got shy bcoz he didn't want to speak to her and she laughed etc. I'm angry at this. It's been 4 weeks since he moved to his brothers and I feel like my whole world has been turned upside down. I can't eat or sleep proper and I can't stop thinking about them together and what they may be doing. It's the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of at night, I sometimes cry myself to sleep. Please tell me I will get through this, I can't see how I will though,,,,

I was getting used to the new routine and I felt a weight had been lifted and the house was peaceful.
It's only changed since I have found out about his new girlfriend, I think I'm in shock still. I can't get the two of them out of my head, it's consuming me and I can't stop crying. He told me he hasn't loved me for a while and it's nice to look at her face and not hate her as he does me.
The irony is that I was getting depressed when we where together as the relationship was making me unhappy, he is a gambling addict and smokes weed a lot and I felt free when it ended so I'm confused as to why I feel like this :(

For now my brain is blocking out all the bad things, it's currently showing me a video montage of all the good times, including bringing our 2 children home from the hospital. He has told me that he goes round to hers and smokes weed with her in the evenings, she sounds like his ideal women (they were actually engaged around 13 yrs ago) she has come out of a 10 year relationship to an abusive alcoholic so she must think she has won the lottery.

I know I have a chance to find someone who will treat me better but I just can't see it yet. I keep thinking if we had stayed together for the children, what would I have left once the children had grown up and left, the answer to that is nothing. I also keep thinking I don't want my children to grow up knowing about drugs, they are too young now to understand but they won't always be little forever, there will be a time when they will know what their dad does.

Anyone x

Write a list of all the things you would like in life and from a partner and writenext to it why he's not the one to give you those things.
Once you've moved on in your head your heart will follow.
Always remember that you are setting an example to your kids of what you should and shouldn't put up with, and what loving relationships look like.
Try to do things you enjoy - bath, read a book, write a bucket list, watch a box set etc etc.
I am with you. I'm 6 weeks on from finding out my partner of 5 years has feelings for someone else. I'm now 27 weeks pregnant with a much wanted baby and have a toddler. It's so so hard but the bad tunes do get less frequent.
Sending hugs. xx

Thank you for your reply, i do need to get my act together, but I'm in the moping, feeling sorry for myself stage, I'm waiting for my inner goddess to roar back but at the min I just lie on the couch and cry all the time.
I do like the idea of a list though, I will try doing that, thanks for the tip.
I'm also sorry to hear what your going through :(

It's totally ok to grieve for the relationship and the future you thought you would have. That's normal and part of the process you have to go through.
Although, it horrible, his moving on so soon will help you move on quicker too (he's not really moved on though, it's just his coping mechanism- sad really). If you were both missing each other and torn but knew it wasn't right, it would prolong the agony for you both.
If now is hard, write down a bucket list for this time next year and you'll see he can't fit into it!!
Good luck. x

Make a list of goals.
Also allow yourself time to grieve its all part of the healing process. If you are really struggling I recommend seeing a therapist or counsellor immediately for a bit. Writing helps. Try it.
Best of luck. Don’t hesitate to ask for help. Change the locks on the front door so he doesn’t get a chance to re enter your life and pack up all of his belongings in a box. Do you have any children or not? If so you could always leave him and take them with you. Prepare for life as a
single parent. Line up your ducks.
Do you have a CV? Make sure that you have updated it. Attend any training opportunities or find out about any possible jobs you can have as well. Keep a lookout for advertisements in the newspapers too. Take down any phone numbers and then call. Or email.
Exercise. It helps release endorphins. Do things you love and have a passion for. Share your concerns with your therapist it helps.

how are you getting on, its been a couple of weeks since this post.
I have since gone back to work, and im doing ok, the children are doing ok too. i am having a sad day today, but i think thats because my son has mentioned to me that he wants to introduce his new partner after christmas :(.
My sister has gone through a break up and she said it was really hard, but she got over it, then after a year she found out he met someone else and she said it hurt her all over again, she said the thing with my situation is that im having to deal with all at once, its harder but worth it in the end, to have all the hurt now.
I am waiting for an appointment to have a bit of counciliing to help me through this time. I know that getting back together is not an option and even if it was, i wouldnt want to. im just hoping that going through what i am at the minute, getting some help and healing my heart, will make me a stronger person and hopefully when the time is right, i have a chance to find happiness with somebody else.
not jumped into a relationship now to heal the pain like he is doing.