How to keep being a mother?

[glitteringfishy]

I guess it's Sunday night and I'm wondering how on earth to get through the week ahead. I have anorexia, amongst other MH issues and I am a full time mum to my beautiful, extremely energetic 23 month old. My energy levels are so low from restricting what I eat, my patience is short, my mood has been all over the place, I'm struggling with thoughts of self harm and suicide and I do not know how to keep being a mother. My relationship with my husband is a mess because of my stupid behaviour. I'm just wondering how others cope with full time parenting whilst not being well. I feel like I just want to be signed off sick but obviously I can't be signed off from being a mother! I feel so very alone so I suppose I'm just seeing if anyone relates/has any advice.

I can relate a little and I would say be kind to yourself, lower your standards and don't feel guilty about using screens. I cried in front of mine today and, whilst not my proudest moment, it isn't necessarily a bad thing to show negative emotions. Are you getting any treatment for your AN? Is there anyone who can have your dc for any length of time? Otherwise, at that age I found getting outside really helped, even if it's raining, to a park or somewhere they can blow off steam and play.

Tomorrow will be a better day

Thank you for replying. If only I could be kinder to myself, lower my standards and not feel guilty! I struggle with all of those things but yes, you are right. It's good to be reminded. I agree that it's much healthier for our children to see our emotions too.

I am on the waiting list for treatment at the ED outpatient unit. Hopefully should start January (which will be 7 months since referral!) Until then the local MH team and the GP, although neither seem to know what to do. I am NC with my family and my DH's family live 4 hours away. I have a friend who is going to take my DS one morning a week for me, so that's something.

You're also right about getting outside. It's just some days I have no energy at all because of the AN. Which I feel horribly guilty about. I'm finding parks really hard at the moment too because of having to interact with other parents. My DS is going through a hitting and throwing things (mainly at other kids heads!) phase which I am finding hard to manage and I feel everyone is judging me for it.

Today has been ok so far. I hope your day has been too. Thanks again for replying.

How was the rest of your day? Ds was a biter and a thrower at that age so I feel your pain there! The trick with parks is to go for the smaller community ones as they’re often deserted I find. It’s good to hear that you’re on a waiting list at least - I know provision is so stretched and inadequate though, and getting worse. Have you heard of the book Getting better bit(e) by bit(e) ? I’ve heard good things about it. That’s great your friend is going to give you a bit of a break too. Take it one day at a time - and if that’s too much, one hour at a time. My day was better than yesterday thanks

Sorry - paragraph facility isn’t working in tablet mode it seems!

How are you doing today? It's glorious weather here so I spent it asleep so hopefully you've got enough energy to get out today? Or do you have a garden?

Thinking of you