How should I help someone with depression?

[ClaraBanana7]

Hi, this is my first thread on here but I need some advice. Someone who i'd say is/was my best friend has depression, i'm not sure what type but she says it's caused by her brain if that makes any sense?
I've spent the best part of the part year trying to be there for her, listening when she wants to vent, trying to advise, not letting her know i'm upset when she cancels our plans, taking her kids and dog out to the park when she doesn't want to face people, i've cleaned her house for her, even paid for a private psychiatrist she wanted to go to but couldn't afford when she wasn't happy with the nhs. But, the problem is is that she seems to be getting worse even with all the treatment she's been getting. She says horrible things now almost every time i see her, she strips off at social outings she goes too and regularly tries to flirt with my boyfriend despite being married (by flirt, strips off and grabs him and makes him feel uncomfortable), she likes to drink and i'll try and keep an eye on her when i can go out but it's at the point where she'll get into fights, verbally abuse me, gets pretty physical with me and asks intrusive questions about dp and she'll pick apart my appearance until i cry and then she'll laugh.
We had a strange start to friendship, she was a huge bully at school but once i got to know her better at uni i figured out it was probably down to some kind of undiagnosed depression and definitely insecurities, she's a really sweet person underneath but i'm at the point where i want to cut off all contact.
Now, i know this is her depression and if she was happier she wouldn't act like this, but i'm wondering whether i'm helping or harming her by how i'm trying to help. I generally excuse her behaviour as depression, i'll bring it up afterwards as gently as i can so she'll know it upset me of it's really bad but if it's not too bad I won't say anything so i don't risk damaging the progress she's making to get better. I also drop everything i can bar work to help her when she's struggling, especially because she has kids and i don't yet (fingers crossed). But i feel like a door mat and now i feel like a bad person for wanting to terminate our friendship and cut her off, which i doubt would help anyone as i'd worry about her.
What should i be doing? There isn't much online to say how someone can actually help another person with depression other than being understanding.

I've had up and down points but i don't have any experiences like your friend so i don't know what good advice would be.
Cutting her off might have a detrimental affect on her, but you should take care of yourself and not be at her beck and call all the time. Doubt she wants that for you either.
Be there for her, but also for yourself, she'll understand if you need to say no sometimes. And make sure your dp tells her flirting in that way is not on, does she behave the same way with her other friends partners or other men?

It sounds a bit more than depression, perhaps bipolar? She definitely needs to cut down on the drinking and get to her Gp sharpish.
You need to look after yourself too Op. This is a lot to take on, don’t neglect your own needs xx

@NorthernRunner I think it must be more than just depression too, but she's seeing an nhs specialist fairly regularly now that says it's depression.
I don't want to say it's anything else, i'm not an expert or anything but it is starting to feel like she's taking advantage and refusing to try and get better. Horrible of me to say, because of course she'll want to get better, but i'm so worn down atm

There's loads more going on there than depression.

The other posters are right, you need to look after yourself.

I have close relations with severe mental health problems & I would never get as involved as you are, as they need professional help. You have done your bit! Bless you, try to get her team to support her & then withdraw a bit. You certainly don't need to be abused. That's her bullying you.

@Waddsup12 thanks! Wish I knew more about depression and other mental illnesses. It should have been compulsory to learn about it in school, feel so overwhelmed and underprepared and i hate that I can't help her.

I'm not sure it's your responsibility to help her. You say she was a huge bully back in school, and now she's flirting with your partner, verbally abusing you, criticising your appearance, laughing at you when you cry and getting you to clean her house. It doesn't sound like anything has changed. She is still bullying you now.

Walk away. You can't make her feel better but she can definitely make you feel worse, iyswim. As pp said, I'm not sure depression is all that's going on here.

You have helped her a lot but stop meeting her in social situations where drink is involved. Don't blame yourself for how she is but carry on being a friend as you have been.

No probs. Severe depression/other MH conditions are incredibly draining on those around the person and can be very debilitating.

Mind has very good descriptions of mental health conditions and advice on their website.

Remember you are not responsible for her mental health & you aren't her crutch. I would do as suggested above and meet in more controlled circumstances.

You don't know its depression. It could be she is BP or BP with a personality disorder. No disrespect but you or our friend but you are not experts.
The drinking will not help matters. Are you enabling the drinking? Do you think you are enabling the behaviours?
The down side of trying to help someone close who has MH is that eventually it wears you down because it is projected onto you all the time.
For the sake of your sanity you need to make some hard decisions. Perhaps start by going LC at first and see if your well being improves.