Has anyone been suicidal, but is now happy? (potential trigger)

[oatlatte]

Basically just looking to see if there are some positive stories out there re: being at rock bottom mental health wise - feeling like ending it all/ maybe even making an attempt, but ultimately getting the support to rebuild your life? It would be interesting to hear what helped people, how you feel now?

Context: I made an attempt on my life around a year ago. Things got worse from there for a few months as I attended various appointments and ultimately left my job. But now, I feel much better, and am glad I didn’t succeed. Have had a strange mental health day today and had a fleeting thought of death, but as more of an abstract thing now iyswik. For me it’s just been time really - time, the right balance of medication, and a really patient and understanding therapist.

Anyone else?

I'm suicidal. I've had mental health problems since I was a child and made three attempts on my life, only one of which my family (where my problems originated) knows about. I've been on and off antidepressants and this morning, after another crisis this weekend, have gone back to the GP to get some more, plus some immediate counselling hopefully. What do you do though when your friends and family are no help at all or help initially and then leave you to get on with it? I've lost one friend by telling her, with another it felt like it was turning into some kind of competition because she'd had problems with an abusive parent too and I could sense her getting angry and with my only sibling, any offer of help or support (apart from telling me what she thinks I should do) has been nil.

Yes I was suicidal and harmed myself a few years ago when I was deeply unhappy in my relationship and was also having some major financial issues.
I spent most of my days lying in bed crying and I was close to getting fired from my job from all the time I was taking off.
I ended up confiding in a friend who I knew had also been through a really bad time. She helped me get onto a debt management plan with Stepchange which took a huge weight off my shoulders. She also helped me to leave my ex.
I’m now debt free with savings, in a very happy relationship and working in a new job that I enjoy. It took a few years to get to this point but I’m so glad I pushed through it and made the necessary changes to my life over time

Glad you are feeling better Frosty. Apart from being able to talk to mental health professionals, I just feel so alone. My mental health problems effectively stopped me from finding a long-term partner and apart from a few short flings and a two-year relationship, I've been on my own all my life. I'm now in my 50s and it's been horrible. I can't sit here into old age like this.

@seta have you tried online dating? Penpal sites can be a great way to make friends and send letters/emails to each other. Lonliness is a horrible thing :-(

@frosty. I did online dating for years on and off in my late 30s and early 40s. I hated most of it, did potentially meet someone nice but went and deliberately sabotaged it. Told you I was f*cked up! To be honest, I'm not in the right place to do it again (the thought actually makes me feel ill), I found it brutal enough the first time round.
Hadn't thought of penpals, last time I had one of those I was at school! Do you know of any good ones?

@frosty "Lonliness is a horrible thing :-("

Yes it is. When I attempt to bring it up with my sister - long-time married, two children, pets - I just get 'oh lots of people are on their own'. hah.

@seta penpalworld is meant to be good and you can get chatting to people all over the world or just in the UK if you would prefer that. All sorts of age groups on there too and you can decide if you want to chat to men or women (or both)

@frosty, thanks, will have a look.

Hi @oatlatte yes, I was at my lowest ebb 6 years ago. I have to admit if it was not for my daughter I would not be around anymore. She gave me the strength to sort myself out and a few years later I met a wonderful man who has stood by me and helped me when I was down on the ground and made sure I got the help I needed. He has also been a great father to my daughter.

I know it might seem that there is no point trust me I used to have visions and an overwhelming feeling of the relief it would be to just plunge a knife into my neck and feel the life draining from me.

And I am not going to lie there are times when I get those same feelings but now I can pull myself out of it and see a future.

Get help, seek counselling, just talking to someone will help you a long way.

Does anyone know any good online depression support groups? I've tried Mind but that silly Elephant thing is offputting and everyone seemed quite young.

@setagorrah I find this board one of the most helpful on the internet. Periodically there is an ongoing thread for general support which I have used from time to then. I also like Twitter for MH support although conversations on there can get misinterpreted and things can get heated if people are fragile, me included.

Yes me! 👋🏻
I was very ill for around 8 years. Many attempts. Sections. Hospitalisations.
I had rTMS last September and got better very quickly. By last Christmas I was feeling great. I’m now med-free and very very happy! Can’t quite believe it myself.

Yes, it definitely gets better, i'm so glad I didn't succeed. Won't go into details of what got me to that point multiple times, but I got counselling, took a step back, cut out some people, made new friends and decided to do things I wanted to do.
It started out with a bucket list, and I began to feel again and meeting wonderful people. I went travelling, got my drinking under control, took up some new hobbies i'd always been told i'd never be able to do, hiked from oslo to bergen, saw the northern lights and orcas in the arctic circle, drove across europe by myself, got myself a dog and day by day things got easier until I wasn't terrified i was going to plunge back into a dark place anymore. I still suffer from anxiety over some things and I'm terrified of conflict, but i'm at a point where i am so happy and relieved to be alive.

Had to name change as could be very outing but just couldn't pass by this thread without posting on it.
For the last 15 years I have been on and off depressed with suicidal tendencies. I have made several attempts on taking my life and luckily none have been successful. (Obviously)
It started due to a childhood trauma and a lack of family support as I was growing up. I turned into a very self obsessed, needy and selfish teenager which continued on through my early twenties. I lied, stole, caused trouble and generally was a very unpleasant person.
I discovered crack cocaine and alcohol and also self harm as a way of coping. I was very, very depressed and even though my suicide attempts were feeble, at the time I felt they were for real although they were more than likely a cry for help.
However the last 2 years took a turn for the worse and I became extremely depressed, so much so that all I could think about every day was dying and leaving all the pain behind.
I took a substantial overdose and was found by my landlady who called an ambulance.
The next couple of weeks after that were a blur as I was in intensive care but that's where everything changed.
I was sectioned and admitted onto a psychiatric unit for 9 months where I got some serious help, I was assigned a psychiatrist and a psychologist who I saw daily. I took part in group therapy with other patients. I did family therapy also.
Upon my discharge i wasn't even the same woman that went in there.
I now am clean from drugs and alcohol (1 year on Friday) I have got a very close relationship with family members, I have close friends who understand what I have been through and are supportive, I have my dream job and a very loving partner who I absolutely adore. I now have my own home which I never thought I would have.
But the best part is, I don't wake up wanting to die. I don't cry anymore, I see a future for myself and it is very bright.
I went from feeling empty and hollow to full of life and colour.
There really is a life after depression, there is help out there and you need to take it.
I look back on my grey and black life from before and can't believe I am the same person, I am actually feeling emotional writing this.
Ask for a referral to a counsellor or a psychiatrist, seek out group help in your area, talk to the people that love you. Even posting on here is a step in the right direction. Please do see that there is light for you and you can get through these dark days.
❤️

OP I am in the same position as you mentally, I can’t think of anything helpful to say as I am really struggling, just wanted to say you are not alone

Yes. I was stockpiling the means to end things. Every problem I had, removing myself seemed to be the solution. But I was waiting for my daughter and listening to the radio and there was a programme about depression and St John Wort. I knew I was in trouble and didn't want to leave my children with my abusive husband so decided to get some and give them a go.

My husband left not very long after and I was referred to counselling to help me understand the abuse from him and my mum. I ended up going to 2 years twice a week. I don't know how or which of the interventions (or combination of both) changed things but I don't even think the same way now. I never get low anymore, even when things are bad. It did make me want to work with people with mental health issues and I am just about to graduate from Uni and will be working with people with significant issues.

I am aware that my experience of recovery is not the norm but I am a different person to who I was before. It can happen.