No family nearby, feel so isolated sometimes

[toomuchtodo]

sorry to moan, i know others have it much worse

but I just feel so isolated and lonely a lot of the time

me and dh have 2 kids and no family support and no babysitters

at the weekends where we live it feels like nearly all the kids friends have family getogethers/BBQ's/ parties/visits and its just always always me dh and the kids, no visitors

I know we could have friends over but our house is tiny/ all my friends have older or much younger kids and the mix is a nightmare/etc etc

also I look after my old mum and as my siblings are 100's miles away its all left to me

I just would love a sister or brother I live near(ish) with a youngish family we could visit and the ds's could have some cousins to play with

dh's family are not married/totally unmaternal/untrustworthy

would just love to have family company, not friends I mean family your just comfortable with, and my kids to have a break from me and their dad being moany cos we never ever get a break

my kids have lots of friends nearby, its me and dh who are needing the help!

Hello Toomuchtodo.

How close are you to parents of DS's? I know you said you don't want friends, just family, but there's not really a lot you can do about that unless you move nearer to them.

Couldn't you invite a few of your sons' friends over one lunch time for a BBQ? That way, you might get invited back and become friends who see each other regularly?

I know it's not the same as family but could you find a babysitter so you and DH can have some time alone every now and again or can't your mum be left alone?

had just looked this up for another post and was trying to find it again whne i came across this OP - perhaps this would help:
www.home-start.org.uk/needsupport/

thanks for replying

I know I shouldn't moan, I get along great with dh and its like we support each other

but I always have this "mythical" family in my head, doesn't resemble the real world!! and I have a sister I'm dead close to (one of my friends is like this and I think I'm just jealous!)

I've got siblings but there is a very large age gap and they live 100's of miles away anyway and don't have much contact

its just hard when I see a lot(tonight most!!) of my neighbours in the garden with their extended families and my boys are crying to play with someone and its just the four of us again

hi, we're the same, family in other countries and feel like everyone else is having fun and surrounded by support and we dont drive so miss out on invites to parties out of town.
If you have a garden and your neighbours are having fun in theirs why cant you have fun in yours? Invite the DCs friends and their parents round, doesnt matter if you dont know them, you'll get to know them. Don't want to be rude but you sound a bit 'stick in the mud' like us!
I understand exactly how you feel about the 'mythical' family. Sometimes i wish i could move back to my country but to be honest i'd probably end up seeing less of my family than i do now on the long summer holidays...

I know exactly where you're coming from... both my family and dp's are hundreds of miles away.

We also don't really know anyone round here - not well enough to either trust them with the kids, or to ask them to babysit.

People look at you very strangely when you tell them that you don't have a babysitter. Ever.

Don't have any advice, I'm afraid, but wanted to let you know that you're not on your own.

oh its hard isnt it, not to imagine how perfect / wonderful it could be. My family are on tthe other side of the world, literally. And i really miss them, so easy to be around, they know you and automatically love your children - more than friends with children of their own imo. If i think what im missing out on i get sad. So mostly try not to think about it.
Toomuchtodo, and Squonk and Kerrymum, and malaeche and everyone else i sympathise!
It sucks.

malaleche, your right I am a stick in the mud!

I just haven't got the energy to "try" with ds's friends, I want family I'm just comfortable with

we both have friends, but we spend enough time entertaining the kids without taking on the other parents IYSWIM

my friends are far away or single

thanks for replies though, at least we're not alone!

I also envy people with big a jolly families. My siblings have no children and live away. DS is an only child with frail parents. My parents are divorced and wierd and so I have been estranged from my cousins (who live far away anyway) since childhood.
I wanted loads of kids to compensate but DH panicked after 2 and had a vasectomy.

if it feels of any consolation I have a massive extended family abroad and I remenber with horror all the family gatherings.... i didn' like any of my cousins and the car journeys made me very sick.. i used to hate sundays just for the very reason of meeting my extended family!

Very nice to see them once in a while know... funny to see how very very different paths we have all taken in life and different our views in life are!

It reassures me that what I thought of them when I was a child is still valid nowadays!

I really feel for you, I'm going through all these feelings myself at the moment. One really stupid thing set it off recently - me and dh haven't been to the cinema for 9 years. We always struggled for money even before ds came along so we hardly ever went anywhere (I regret it as we should have done stuff whilst we could). For the past 4 years it's been more a case of no babysitter than no money. Now I really want to see Spiderman 3, really really want to go with dh to the cinema to see it and we can't get a babysitter for this ONE time wanting to go out together I do have friends who offer every now and then but when I turn round and ask if they could babysit one evening so we can go to the cinema, it's always they'll get back to me and then they don't - and I don't like to chase.

So, I'm very much looking forward to my friend (known since we were about 4) coming to visit (200 miles+ away) in August - she's offered to let me and dh go out one evening so we can go out together for our wedding anniversary I'm very happy we're getting this opportunity but also sad that it's such a rarity and that I've been waiting most of this year for her to come in August!

Sucks doesn't it

Oh yeah, and we were having relationship problems and went to relate but it was so hard to get a babysitter for that one night, we couldn't keep it up so never went back - they were really funny when we said we found it really hard to get a babysitter - they probably think we should have paid for one but no way could we afford the full session price let alone babysitting costs - dh had lost his job at the time!!

Sorry, I really went on there - think I needed a good old moan

Really does suck doesn't it!

I am just so sick of watching tv ALL THE TIME!

I swear that besides working and looking after the kids it is all I do.

We have 3 kids, DS 15 months, DD 8 years and my SS 10 years. We have to take it in turns to take the older two to the cinema. I got to take them to Spiderman 3, and DP took them to see Pirates of the Caribean.

We manage to do something like that maybe once a month. But, never me and DP together!!!!

And I know some people might argue that going to the cinema is a bit of a strange thing to do when I just complained about watching TV all the time, but it's the being out together that would be good!

Would also love a night out for a nice meal, a few drinks, bowling, anything like that!

I totally sympathise with you all, seems like I'm not alone in this

looneytune you sound similiar to us, we go out about 3 times a year and have to pay (and find) a babysitter, once we've paid the babysitter £20 for a few hours we can't afford much more, we never have much money

I think it has felt worse for me since my mum has suddenly "aged" a year ago, before this even at 78 she was a bit active, but the last year her legs are really weak and she can't do much. she doesn't live with us, but as I'm the only one here I feel very responsible for her and I'm really concsious of trying to visit her a lot and help her as I'm the only person she sees/speaks to sometimes. I have a sister and brother older than me, but the visit - oh maybe once a year? and go abroad on their frequent hols. they don't really make an effort at all, they just don't see it. they say they'll help/visit mum then they don't.............

so I'm kid of feeling like I've got no family help and also the lions share of mums care is down to me with my older siblings just suiting themselves and getting on with their lives

I agree KM its Sundays that are so hard, just about everyone here has BBQ's/family over and we sit in the garden the 4 of us

could cry sometimes, just feel desperate

looneytune, dh can get pirate copies if spiderman 3, please let me know if you don't get to see it and I'll get you a copy

for us we've never had a night away in 9 years from the kids and haven't been abroad for 11 years, could go on and on.............

feel like a social leper sometimes!

toomuchtodo I know exactly how you feel about the getting ouot maybe a few times a year - if you're lucky eh!!! I thought our lack of holidays etc were bad but we did go away for our honeymoon 6 years ago. Its the only time we've been abroad in 11 years of being together but thank god we're off on our first proper family holiday a week on Monday. I'm going to make the very most of this as I know it's going to be a VERY long wait til we ever do that again.

Oops, got to go as baby needs feeding. Thanks for the offer of Spiderman 3 - may well end up needing to do that! Although my point was I really wanted to watch this one at the cinema and have special time with dh.

Right, best go

cat me if you want a copy of spiderman 3, or if you manage to get out I hope you have a great time!

Thanks so much for the offer - I'm not set up for CAT If you don't mind emailing me at [email protected] that would be GREAT

have e-mailed you!