Do you ever get over self harm?

[PoesyCherish]

As a teenager and in my earlier twenties I self harmed a lot as a way to deal with abusive relationships and death of a friend. In the end it became a really addictive coping mechanism. It got to the point where it didn't help, it was getting worse and worse but yet I felt like I needed to do it just to get through my day.

Now I'm in my late twenties I find it hard not to self harm. Whenever I'm having any sort of strong negative emotion my mind jumps to self harming as a potential way to cope - I say potential as I haven't actually done it for a good while. I think as I'm in a slightly better mental state I can ask myself a few questions:
Why and what do I hope to achieve?

And normally that's enough to stop me as the answers are no idea to both and that in the long run it makes it so much worse.

But my question is, do you ever really stop using self harm as an automatic fall back in your mind? I really hate that my mind automatically jumps to it as a sort of coping mechanism. I wish I didn't have to convince myself not to every damn time I feel down or overwhelmed or angry or any other strong negative emotion..

I used to self harm quite badly as a teen. I stop at around 20, I just sort of realised that it really doesn’t help. I haven’t had the urge to s/h when things are bad for years.

Have you tried something like cbt?

Yes! I SH'd as a teen and now it's been...12 years? And I can't even remember the last time I had an urge. Maybe a few years ago? You definitely can beat this!

Thank you both. That's really good to know. Do you think there was anything in particular that helped you get over it?

Yes! I self harmed on and off for 11 years, the last few pretty much daily. It is an addiction and I found that I managed to successfully quit when I mentally felt ready to, rather than doing it for other people.
Now 10 years on I think about it rarely, I'll be honest I worry about how I'll react when my parents die for example, but I'm hoping being aware of it will support me in not self harming.
You can beat this and people can help you to beat this.

I self harmed for years in my teens, couldn't cope with any negative feelings. That all changed when I discovered the natural high I could get from exercise. Hard exercise when feeling particularly stressed or low, the endorphins your body naturally produces are incredible. Please try if you can, I started with weight lifting, simple dumbbells in my bedroom (before gyms were popular) and have tried running, swimming, circuit training and now I cycle 3-4 times a week. Have you looked into counselling for your bereavement?

I would still do it except when I had my first child I swore to myself I would not do it any more, ever, because I had them to think of. Most other similar ones I have broken at times e.g. making myself sick, but that one I have kept. It is hard but it has become easier.

I'm two years self harm free. I still get urges but I know now that it isn't a long term solution.

Have you tried dialectical behavioural therapy? I worked my way through a book but would have loved to have had face to face therapy. It teaches you to cope better with strong emotions.

You can do this xx

Yes. I'm 45, I self harmed through most of my thirties while I was in a shit relationship, and then at 40 I was diagnosed with severe depression. I had citalopram coupled with CBT and all of that helped me to look at why I was hurting myself.

Things started getting better from there. I left the relationship and actually started to like myself and feel as if I had a future. Like Wake, I discovered exercise and started to feel proud of what my body could do.

You can do this. You honestly can.

I've had on-off episodes of self harm - at 16/17, again at 24/5 and again at 33/34 (about eight years ago now), all at times I had depression.

When I'm well, I don't think about it at all, but when I'm unwell, the urges return. I think that if I hurt on the outside, then hopefully I won't hurt on the inside. Generally it doesn't pan out like that, but when I'm not thinking straight anyway......

Hopefully I won't have any more depression, but if I do, I wouldn't be surprised if I self harm again. I know it's not a great coping mechanism, but it is one, and I've not yet found anything 'better', or that mirrors what I feel on the inside when I'm ill (generally the desire to rip my insides out and stamp all over them because I'm a shit, loathesome human being).

I dont think you do! Its an addiction like any other. Like alcoholism even if you stop you still have it in you to react like that so you need to keep an eye on it.

Im 30 and if im stressed or scared I still fantasise about physically harming myself.
I havent done so for 7 years.
But I know its something I will always have to keep an eye on.
Its just how I react to certain situations.

I think it is possible to decide never to do it again and to follow through with that... but I do think it will always take at least a bit of effort because it will be ingrained as your response to emotional turmoil.
It does get easier to ignore the urges over time but I dont think the urge ever completely goes away.
Its more that you have to accept the urge and not let it distress you or make you feel guilty iyswim?
I found that in order to stop I sort of had to accept that it was something that I would probably always want to do and may sometimes end up doing.... and that was fine and I wasnt going to feel like shit about it I was just going to do my best day by day.
The guilt and feeling 'crazy' about it just make it worse and make you more likely to do it.
You arent crazy... its actually a very common response to emotional pain and understandable... its just that actually doing it is not helpful in the long run.... and you know that!

And I think as you get older you just sort of get used to yourself and how you work more!
When I feel like that now its just sort of like 'oh this old gem again lol!!' So I just let myself imagine doing it... and then I just calm down using another coping mechanism (for me usually going for a long walk on my own)

I stopped after a number of years. For me I can't explain exactly why, but there was a sort of realisation that there wasn't any point and it didn't achieve anything. It's difficult to put a stop to a certain gut reaction, especially when you're already in a fragile/emotional state. I know this is so much easier said than done, but in that moment where you find yourself about to do it, try to pause and think what will this achieve? Or I'll give myself an hour before I make a decision. Please don't end up with nasty scars like I did because it's not nice to be reminded of it. You're able to get through this, you just might not realise that yet x

When I was doing it, it was a way of taking control, expressing feelings I felt unable to vent any other way and a huge FUCK YOU to the people telling me to stop. I just got better at hiding the marks.

In order to stop I had to want to stop. Nothing else was ever going to work. And I didn't want to stop until I felt I deserved better and that there was better out there for me.