confused about therapist

[lifeschool]

I called a therapist for first time chat. Towards the end of the call, I asked for his availability, he right away booked appointment for me. On asking if I can confirm in a couple of days (as I still wanted to chat with a few more, didnt say that to him), he said no I can't. He will leave the appointment booked for me and if I can cancel it in 24 hours. He was nice otherwise.

Is it normal for therapist to book appointment or was he pushy? I thought therapist must know that usually a patient calls a few before deciding.

Also, is it a good idea for a female to see male therapist? Wondering if a woman therapist be able to offer more empathy. I had a male therapist in past, he was nice but more on practical side.

thank you in advance for your advice!!

Probably he needs to know what he is doing. Otherwise he could have other patients asking for appointments and maybe doesn't work well for people with mental health problems. I think it's pretty normal for him to book you an appointment and if you decide to cancel it, you still can.

As for seeing a male therapist, I actually don't think it matters. I've seen both. The woman was nice enough, if a bit overbearing in her empathy sometimes. She had a sympathy face that really ground on my nerves but she was a lovely lady.

It was my male therapist that I saw for CBT who sat and held my hand on the floor of the ladies toilets during a nervous breakdown, called to make sure I was coping and he was the first person I ever told about being sexually assaulted as a child. He didn't tend to react particularly strongly to anything outwardly, I could never shock him or anything but I could never accuse him of a lack of empathy.

I don't think their sex or gender matters as long as you are able to form a connection with them. I liked my first therapist, she was really lovely but there wasn't a bond there. The second was just easier to open up to, very accepting and I felt comfortable there. I don't think there is anything really that I wouldn't have felt able to talk about. He certainly wouldn't have batted an eye. I'm so well repressed that I think he would cry with joy if I walked in and said I wanted to talk about sex and that's my most uncomfortable topic.

Go with gut instinct. I burst into tears after my first session with second therapist. Looking back, I think that was a good sign, that I had some emotional reaction to the session. Previous therapy had been more like a chat over coffee. Good for offloading but not much actual work getting done.

Just try and find someone that you either trust or can imagine trusting and who you feel at ease with. I wasn't wild about the idea of a man or about CBT in general and I stand firmly corrected on both.

My therapist and psychiatrist are male, I find it much easier to talk to them as I have issues dating back to being bullied by girls at school and I don't trust women any more - to the point that all my friends are male too. I don't think kids realise the devastating and long lasting effect they can have!

In my experience none of my specialists have ever tried to push me into confirming without letting me talk to other specialists, you need to make sure that you get the very best fit for you, someone you trust and feel comfortable with and that you feel you can work with, because they are going to be with you for a while and you don't want chop and change if they are not right for you.

I hope you find the right person for you, don't be pressurised into anything.

I presume this is private? Where I am it is normal to be charged for appointments cancelled with less than 24 hours notice, just beware of that. Maybe ask any others you speak to for a cancellation policy.

I've had a few therapists and counsellors and have usually gelled better with the women. I had one man that it went spectacularly badly with with... but I had told the service that I wanted to see a woman and they ignored me. I was very young and suffered DV at the hands of a man as a child/teenager, so I think I had good reason!

If you don't have a firm idea about whether you want to see a man or a woman, just go by whoever you have good contact with on the phone.

Well done for making the calls.

That's a good point about checking his cancellation policy. Make sure you don't get charged.

Thank you everyone for your replies.

So I had call the therapist first time to understand his experience, etc. He asked me to send my email address so he can send confirmation of appointment for next week and gave me 24 H window to decide if I wanted to go ahead with him.
I asked him if I don't take this appointment now and call in 2 days to book appointment, he said no.
I found him a bit pushy considering date was a week later.
So far I am not impressed with anyone I call, less interested in explaining their experience and eager to book appointment. Thanks everyone I will continue to look.

didyouseeflaresinthesky seems like you are doing much better now, which is awesome :) Gives me hope about CBT.

Not so much but I'll get there. You just have to find someone you can work with. I found most wouldn't talk that in depth on the phone. Generally they want to meet you for an initial appointment to judge whether they can work with you then they tend to talk a bit more about experience and methods.