Driving OCD/Anxiety??

[NCABadger]

Does anyone else suffer from this?

I passed my test a few months ago now and really struggling with the above. I've self referred for CBT, but as I'm pregnant they won't see me until after I've had the baby due to the intensive nature of the therapy.

I've suffered with GAD for as long as I can remember too. Again currently not medicated due to being pregnant.

I've been in bits the last 24 hours over a parking 'incident' (which wasn't even an incident!). Was in a tight parking space at the supermarket and even though I manouvered out fine since then I've been panicking that MAYBE I touched one of the other cars around me. I can't let the feeling go even though I felt, heard and saw no impact. I have rear parking sensors on my car and they didn't alert that I was too close to anything behind me. It's only after the event I start to panic and the 'what ifs' start to creep in. Since then I've obsessively checked my car for damage (of course there is none), got DH to check too and even considered ringing the supermarket to see if they can get CCTV footage to reassure me. Writing this all down makes me sound so ridiculous I know. Anxiety is a bitch and I hate it so so much it controls my life. I'm worried now that if something did happen and I get reported I'll get a letter through from the police or a phonecall and there's a constant dread in the pit of my stomach. It makes me feel so sick and stops me sleeping.

I was pretty much on top of my anxiety until we had an issue with our neighbours (won't go into detail) and it's safe to say now I'm walking on eggshells in my own home. That's the only thing I can pinpoint that's triggered it this time, but the driving thing is really winding me up. I didn't spend all that effort and money passing my test and buying a car to be too frightened to drive the damn thing. That's ultimately where this is going if I can't get myself sorted.

Anyone have any advice?

I should probably add aswell so as not to drip feed...I was involved in a minor bump shortly after passing my test when another car rolled into the back of me whilst I was stationary at traffic lights then drove off. Even though that wasn't my fault, I still blamed myself as a new driver and it put me massively on edge. Reported it to the police and my insurance, but didn't get the other cars reg and there was only a tiny scratch on my rear bumper so haven't made a claim etc.

I have no advice, but I’m hugely sympathetic as I have the same problem. I worry about speed cameras (despite being so careful about speed), driving through red lights (would never dream of breaking the law), hitting cars/people and knocking down bikes. I also worry that I may have cut up someone or done something else unsafe or impeded an emergency vehicle.

Hello. I'm going through CBT for this kind of OCD at the moment - responsibility OCD some people call it, or hyper-responsibility. I'm at the stage now where I'm trying to test an alternative theory to my usual one i.e. I normally think that the risk is real and urgent and I'm responsible for preventing any kind of danger or damage to other people. I found this book from the NHS very helpful cypf.berkshirehealthcare.nhs.uk/media/168487/managing-ocd.pdf and might help you manage it until you are able to do CBT. It's also recognised that periods of increased responsibility (parenthood anyone?!) can bring on OCD or make it worse, so it's really normal although horrible to deal with. Look after yourself and keep in touch if you want some support.

@teacuptale I'm sorry to hear you are going through this too. It's awful isn't it 💐 In reality both of us are probably really good drivers, but the OCD just messes with everything and makes me question my judgement. When I'm in the car I'm decisive, always careful to stick to speed limits and courteous of other road users but there's always this niggling doubt there I've pissed someone off or done something wrong. Do you find the more you drive the better it gets, or do you tend to avoid driving where possible? I'm trying to go out at least for a short journey every day which seems to be helping. Do you have anyone who could go on a few journeys with you for reassurance when you are feeling this way? I did a longer journey with my husband on Monday on unfamiliar roads and a bit of motorway driving which was good and today I've been out on my own and although the negative thoughts start to creep in when I'm home from my journey I am confident overall it went well. I think it's going to take me a good few months until I'm confident in my abilities completely and looking forward to starting CBT to tackle the wider issues at play here.

@MissMysticFalls thank you so so much for your reply and link to the resources you found helpful. It's nice to know I'm not alone feeling this way and there are others out there going through similar (although I wouldn't wish it on anyone!). As well as the CBT have you found any practical tips that help when you are driving day to day? I'm trying to get out as much as possible to build my confidence as if I avoid driving even for a few days the anxiety/OCD only gets worse. Thanks 💐

@NCABadger well for a start you're doing really well by keeping making yourself do driving as avoiding situations that trigger anxiety just makes it worse in the long-run which you've discovered too. Having said that, it's about taking small steps, getting confident with those and then moving on to bigger challenges, so you said you parked in a tight spot - that's pretty stressful for anyone and you might want to get comfortable with parking in spaces with a bit more wiggle room first and then make it harder for yourself.

Two things I do.
I tell myself that the stress/worry/over-thinking actually makes me more of a liability as a driver so tell myself that I'm keeping everyone on the road safer (including myself and anyone in the car with me) if I focus on what's happening right now on the road and not what just has happened.

I also find distracting myself as soon as I'm out of the car helpful. It gives my body time to calm back down (until the fight/flight/freeze adrenaline effect wears off). Doing something active and distracting that I enjoy helps or something that has some kind of benefit e.g. weeding, scrubbing the sink, hoovering, flossing my teeth, baking a cake, singing loudly along to a CD or just a brisk walk round the block.

Also - given that you're planning to do CBT at some point (tackling the underlying problem) and that you have a little person that you need to be feeling tiptop to look after soon, you could tell yourself that you're going to give yourself this short-term, timebound period to let yourself off the hook. It's not forever, but for now you're going to focus on you and your baby and during that time it's ok to make a few mistakes and you'll hold yourself to a higher standard once you're able to get the support you need.

There's a two or three week period when starting medication where anxiety levels can increase and I found that really helpful in managing any spikes because I could just tell myself that "it's just the pills" and it was easier to ignore them or take them less seriously. Being pregnant you could definitely use "it's my hormones" as a reason to take your anxious reactions less seriously maybe?

xx

@MissMysticFalls thank you so much. All really sound advice there 👍. Parking is one area I struggle with generally since passing and getting a much bigger car to accomodate our growing brood (learnt in a teeny fiesta and now drive a C4 Picasso 'Mummy wagon' haha!). I have started to try and be a bit easier on myself and park in easier spots...like today at the supermarket I parked right at the back of the carpark even though it meant walking further I had piece of mind I had plenty of space and time to manoeuvre! I will try the distraction technique when I get home in future. There's still lots of things that need doing in preparation for baby's arrival so that is keeping me busy. I will overall try and be a bit kinder to myself and let myself off the hook a bit. Keep reminding myself I managed to learn throughout my pregnancy and pass the test first time at 30 weeks so I've already done the hard bit!

I tend to give myself a bit of a pep talk in the car before I set off anywhere 'You can do this, you are good, safe driver etc.' (which my husband finds amusing!) and I find commentary driving helps as I'm talking myself through exactly what I'm doing throughout a journey.

Cyclists are my worst nightmare... There's loads in the area I live and of course they have every right to be on the road at the same time as me.... but I must admit when I spot cyclists ahead on narrow country road a few expletives usually come out of my mouth 🙈🙊. I'm hyper aware of them being so vulnerable. Today I was fine though... just pass them slowly and allow lots of space, check mirrors before moving back in. I try and drive every time like I'm on my test. It really helps!

I'm glad the CBT is working for you and that you are finding coping techniques. Gives me hope that I can and will get over this eventually 😊👍

i have the same thing except i can drive to a very small number of places: school which is a few miles away, work training venue, my actual work venue and the retail park which is straight off a road (no roundabouts etc).

its brilliant that you're still driving - keep going, think that's where i made my mistake!!

My tips for coping are, leave loads of time to drive in case you do go the wrong way, and park far away from things if you can to avoid cramming yourself into a parking space by the door.

My final tip is to look at junctions and lane markings on google satellite maps zoomed in so you can check in advance what lane you need to be at if its not a familiar junction or roundabout.

Hi @cementpointing! Thanks for sharing your experience. Sorry to hear you suffer from this type of anxiety too though, it can be really limiting. Sounds like your still doing well though so that's great even if it is driving familiar routes!

I'm always on Google maps when journey planning on unfamiliar roads, it really does help lessen the anxiety a bit. I try not to panic though and realise that if I am in the wrong lane/take a wrong exit and for any reason it's not safe to change lanes due to traffic volume etc. then just follow the lane and turn around where safe. I use a sat Nav too which has never guided me wrong so far (touches wood!)

I had an incident at a roundabout on Thursday where an impatient driver behind me beeped at me for being too hesitant which set me back a bit 😕 In my defence it was sunny and despite wearing sunglasses visibility was limited on approach, so I thought I'd done the safest thing and slowed right down, but it was clear to go and the driver behind was quite close and seemingly not expecting me to brake (which is his problem really as he should have left a safe distance behind me). Despite that shaking me up a bit I carried on and did some more driving today, only a 30 minute journey but little and often seems to work for me. I'm 39 weeks pregnant and very tired now so trying not to do too much X

Is anyone about? Excuse the NC!

Made a really stupid mistake whilst driving today and cut someone up on a roundabout. I don't know how to forgive myself 😢 Thankfully no accident, but I feel awful thinking about what could have happened. Every journey I seem to make stupid mistakes due to nerves and I just feel like giving up completely.

Its my due date tomorrow and I don't know if hormones are making the situation worse.

I feel so anxious I can't breathe properly