Argh... Where do I start

[Bigned3986]

Morning all, a tricky one here. DW has woken up very early this morning, not being able to get back to sleep. She has got a lot on her mind at the moment and I'm thinking about the best way to help her. I asked her to write down five things that we could work.through and she has written this - see below. I've copied her words with the background in brackets.

I feel a bit lost at the moment.
I feel a failure that I have not lost more weight (had weight loss surgery this year)
I feel like I deserve to have clothes with holes in or that are miles too big
I feel like I don’t deserve to be thin
I feel like I’ve let the children down by being so financially irresponsible (has seen buying things/experiences the way to keep family happy/also duty to financially reply her mum when she babysits or something)
I feel like a failure and an ineffective Mum when DD behaves as she does (DD is diagnosed PDA and verbal and motor dyspraxia)
I’d like more time with DS. (DS is high functioning ASD and spends a lot of time in his room (aged 13), due to DD's anxiety/meltdowns. It's rare that he wants to do anything apart from Xbox with friends)
I want somewhere to call home (currently renting and landlord wants to sell. Can't get mortgage due to poor credit and low deposit)
I want to belong
I flirt between not wanting to work at all to desperately wanting permanent HEO grade (worried about coping with job and family)
I worry about Mum, Dad and sister and long for a secure base to call home (this is a big issue with its separate complicated issues).

I know it's a lot here, but if we can tackle just one thing, I'm sure it would make DW just that little bit better.

Does your DW know that you have posted this?

Either way, you might want to have the name removed.

Bump

Anyone.....?

Does she know you’ve posted that? It’s quite a personal thing to put on the internet if not.

On the substance of your post, I worry about thinking that tackling one thing will make her feel better. When there are lots of things wrong, especially the parts about feeling like she doesn’t belong anywhere, fixing other things might not change how she feels.

Has she seen a gp?

It sounds as though she is overwhelmed, which is not surprising in the circumstances you have described. With regards to spending more time with your son, there must be some advice and tips on dealing with that such as doing activities he enjoys. With regard to her low self esteem, she needs to start being kind to herself and do little things to feel better, eg a bath, watching comedy, listening to or reading positive things.
The housing situation is crap. But you are not alone in that as it is a national crisis.
Maybe take whatever action an be taken for finding a new home.
FT Work and family - it’s a daunting prospect which I had to face last year, almost a year in to FT work I am enjoying it though finding it tough at times!
Hope this helps!
Also remember everything passes and there will be better times x

Many thanks both. Yes DW is aware, and we are both looking at ways to work things through. She did have a bath by herself to ease her mind a bit, and a good chat with her mum today. Sometimes she thinks her mum just expects her to get on and 'sort it', which isn't very supportive really. Her mum does have narc tendencies just to add to the mix.

On a positive though, we've found a few houses to rent and are going to look at one next weekend. This one is for long term rent, so may be good to get settled there. As for job, DW is looking at permanent promotion jobs, and again, this should help. As a couple we are strained with only one evening out together in the past year - and barely enough time to catch up with each other.

She is overwhelmed - that is clear, and it doesn't help when both kids anxieties come out with them both arguing. DD has been at a club this morning, so I'm hoping she'll be a bit calmer this afternoon.