When you realise that you will never get it right...

[hopelessanddefeated]

When you come to the realisation that everything you do is wrong. The decisions that you make have been wrong but you realise that you're never going to get it right because you obviously lack the reasoning and intelligence that normal people have. What do you do?

When you think like that you are in a negative thinking loop and need help to get out of it. Statements that start “you never...” “you always...” are generalisations and not true.

Thanks. I seem to disappoint most of the time. I'm not a single person without responsibilities so my decisions affect other people. Other people seem to get it right. I don't even have the benefit of hindsight as I don't know where I've gone wrong I just don't get it right. I feel a fraud.

First of all, don’t worry about other people always seeming to get it right, most of that is a front. I mess things up all the time. I have chronic foot in mouth disease.
Stop being so hard on yourself. Every day, find one thing that you did really well, like remembering to tel your kids you love them. That’s probably more important than just about anything. If you do that, you are getting at least one thing right and your dcs will love you for it.

Thank you. I do tell my children I love them. My youngest appreciates that and my eldest can see me for what I am although even he doesn't realise the half of it. If I had accepted my limitations perhaps it wouldn't be so difficult but I have had ideas above my station. I'm not even sure what the problem is anymore.

What makes you feel that you're getting it wrong? Who has set the bar?

Because it sounds like it's pressure you're putting on yourself

Thank you. I can't cope with pressure and have a massive irrational fear of failure. As a result of this I make decisions that are wrong. I've never had anyone to sound off my thoughts to. I have friends but they have always had different circumstances to me so have never really been able to advise nor understand where I'm coming from.

I just want to run away. I'm spiralling at the moment. I've no idea at all. How I faked it this far is beyond me.

Other people make mistakes ALL THE TIME. For example, I personally forgot to book a room for an important meeting at work today and had to be helped out by a colleague I barely know. I also wore a deeply unflattering pair of trousers. Then I spent too long in the supermarket after work so missed my gym class. Those are just today's mistakes. So far.

You clearly do many things right, including
loving your children and caring deeply about others.

Have you considered seeing your GP about how you're feeling? It sounds like things are really getting you down

I broke down in tears with my GP and she looked at me in the same way that my husband looked at me. As if to say "get on with life and shut the fuck up". I would get on with life if I knew how to do but I don't anymore and never did.

I'm sorry to hear that. Did the GP refer you on?

No she didn't offer me anything. I can't even remember why I saw her. It's not the first time I've seen her although the last time I felt like this was probably about 15 years ago and she didn't offer me anything then either. It's probably because everyone knows that I'm pathetic and should just get on with it!

If I knew how to "get on with it" I would but I don't. The world fathoms me at times.

Your GP was crap. Is there a different doctor at the practice you can see? Things don't have to be like this.

I don't know. They're just so condescending there but it's happened enough times for me to realise that the common denominator is me and not them.

I don't think I have depression. I think I just don't know how to navigate life and sometimes the stress of faking it gets too much and you forget how to fake it. I never thought anything through.

Maybe you don't have depression. Maybe you do. Maybe there's something else going on.

It's a HCP's job not to come across as condescending, so if they are, it is them and not you.

Different areas have different roles but it could be that you can self-refer to IAPT (IAPT = talking therapies), if that is something you would like to do.

Could you tell us a bit about what is going on? It sounds like life is / has been really difficult for you - can you say a bit more about that?

What would “get it right” look like? And what is wrong at the moment?